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Could this be one of the signs it’s time to breakup? I knew I should feel distinctively drawn to him. I should want to be with him way more than I could imagine. I should want to give all of myself to him. I should want to make future plans with him and look forward to seeing him. But that’s not the case; and I couldn’t change it no matter how hard my effort was. There was a way I want to feel about him but I just couldn’t feel that way. And nothing I did could make that happen.
There was this constant doubt deep down that wouldn’t wear off. I tried so hard to break loose from it, block it out, disregard it, and pretend this shrewish feeling would eventually disappear. But my heart wasn’t skipping a beat, the spark I felt at the beginning of the relationship was long gone. I no longer have butterflies thinking about him. It felt as if I’m slowly withdrawing. Occasionally, I would find myself asking, should I break up with him?
I couldn’t figure out why this was happening. In so many ways, he was a great man. He treated me to the best. Always the best. I knew he loved me. He wanted to spend his rest days with me. Nothing was extremely wrong with our relationship.
Others think everything was fine with us. I didn’t understand, so I doubted, I stayed, I tried my possible best to just focus on the fantastic things about him, and us, in the hope that all would work out at the end and I’d fall more in love. But it didn’t, things didn’t change for me, for us. That feeling didn’t go for a reason, and so I asked myself one last time, is it really over? Apparently, we really weren’t right for each other. In the long run, these were signs it’s time to break up.
This was me above. I couldn’t find words to explain it, it was just too deep that I only felt it in my bones. This taught me so much about who I really am and what I need and want when it comes to love.
This is what I learned- when it comes to relationships, you can’t force things, things won’t always make correct sense, and when really it is time to break up, you have to trust your hunch and end it, even if it will break both of your hearts. In this post, you will learn all you need to know about signs it’s time to break up and when to leave a relationship.
Just like how I finally found my answer, I’m sure you’d find yours as to whether to brush aside your feelings and make a big mistake? Or to listen to your heart and call it quit.
Should We Break Up or Stay Together ?
As important as relationships are, no relationship is 100 percent perfect. Yes, not even those ones we envy.
However, a good relationship should make you feel secure, happy, cared for, respected, and free to be yourself. But when you start to feel like you’ve given your all but it’s not working and you start getting drained and deeply agitated from emotions, then you’ll probably consider ending the relationship.
There are times when you know the relationship you’re in is unhealthy for both you and your partner and you consider breaking up when you’re still in love (or atleast when you’re still together). Here, figuring out what step to take can be very difficult. Difficult because, you have feelings for the person (no matter what that mean) and have developed a history with them.
However, since you’ve recognized some signs it’s time to break up from that relationship, it is better to consider not the past, but the future.
Nonetheless, to really clear the doubts and give answers to your question of should we break up or stay together as well as how to know when to break up, read through these points and critically assess your own life, that of your partner and the relationship to determine what is best for both of you- whether it’s time to move on or it’s worth another try.
1. You Feel You Are No More Important
Break up- If you continuously feel your partner no longer prioritizes you. Do you feel neglected, not cared for, and totally worthless in the relationship? It is okay if your partner is always the busy type, however, they should be committed. But if your partner is always inattentive, neglectful, and doesn’t make time for you, then it is fair to say they don’t value you or the relationship, and it’s reasonable to opt out.
However, if your partner is making effort to give time to your needs and wants, and trying their possible best to better themselves or practically fulfilling your desires, you may consider staying to get things fixed.
2. If You Cannot See Your Partner In Your Future
That is a bad sign! Maybe you are in the relationship for serious marriage plans but anytime you raise topics related to marriage or settling down, it freaks them out, then you should know the two of you don’t really match. Only consider staying together if both of you are trying to figure out and gain some direction.
It’s fine if your future (relationship) is unclear, so long you both are using this time to gain an understanding of self and direction.
3. Loosing Interest?
Do you always feel restless regardless of the cool and interesting things you do together? Yes, you both shared a number of wonderful memories but you still find yourself withdrawing from him or her, it might be a sign it’s time to break up.
You may stick around if the challenge is that you’re just bored of one normal routine. “There is a clear difference between feeling bored with your partner and feeling bored of your partner”, says Mariana Bockarova. Switch up your dating routines, try out new hobbies and give yourselves a chance to get attached to something new together.
4. Your Partner Gets on Your Nerve Always
“When you feel like you’re going to scream (every time) your partner starts telling the same dull joke or boring story, then you probably need to sit down and talk honestly about (the relationship)”, Degges White says, “When you constantly feel snippy around your partner even on good days, that’s not something to joke with”.
But if there’s some deeper vexation within you, maybe you are stressed out with work or a friend has been making you deplorable, it could be that you are taking out your anger on your partner. If this is the case, you simply need to de-stress and work things out with yourself.
5. You Prefer Being Around Friends Than Your Partner
If you always find excuses to hang out with friends and deliberately leave your partner out. Especially, if you do this somehow secretly. It’s a sign you no longer want the relationship. You should be most comfortable with your partner. So, if you’re not, then it’s a huge issue.
Stay together if you sincerely just miss your friends and the old good times. In this case, it means you are starting to feel more social again and your partner would understand. Besides, having your own set of friends, you should also in a way, help your relationship, and this is one of the signs you should not break up.
Related Post: Proven Ways to Fix Relationship Problems
Breaking Up When You’re Still In Love
Breaking up with the love of your life is almost unbearable. It feels like your breath is being taken from you and your heart is ripping out of your chest every day. The truth is, every couple, regardless of how they might look on the outside, goes through rough patches. And if you deeply love your partner, it is not strange to occasionally wonder if the relationship is a good fit.
While being in love undoubtedly feels good, these feelings alone don’t spur solid, lasting relationships and when you begin to see signs it’s time to break up, you would find yourself giving reasons to break up with someone you love. Know that once you end it, you’ll feel better, but it takes time to heal. In the meantime, there are some ways to cope a little easier.
Here are a few things to bear in mind as you contemplate breaking up with someone you still have strong feeling for.
1. Love Isn’t Always Enough
You have to accept that fact. Love is not enough to fix relationship problems. It would only get worse, trying to patch things up when it’s not realy working. You need more than love to save your relationship. Just because it appears you can’t do without him doesn’t mean it’s going to last forever.
2. Stop Blaming Yourself
You’ve probably tried everything possible to stay in the relationship, but it’s not just working. It is therefore not your fault. So, stop blaming yourself.
To feel better, you have to realize that it is not your fault (or your partner’s for that matter). It is normal for attraction and chemistry to fade away. Either way, it is the relationship that’s just not working anymore.
3. Talk to A Confidant
In order not to feel alone after the breakup, talk to family and friends before you end your relationship with someone you love. Have at least one person who will be there for you, before ending things with your partner.
You need support before and after to make sure you’re not going through this alone.
4. Hold Back in Friendship for the Mean Time
Now is not the time to try and be friends. Make that a future plan. There’s no how you two can just be friends. It is one of these two- you’ll hook back up and break up again or you’ll end up hating each other. It is best for everyone to stay apart.
5. Feel Sad, But Don’t Brood
The feeling of sadness would surely set in, that’s a given. However, don’t dwell in the sadness and deliberately make it worse on yourself. Do not engage in activities that hinder the healing process.
Get to mingle with friends and get into activities that’ll get you excited.
6. Know that the Pain Will Soon End
No matter how long it takes for you to feel better and heal, trust me, that pain you’re feeling right now will end.
It might take a few weeks, months, or even more, but it’s going to be alright. Just give yourself the whole time that you need and you’ll come out even stronger and better. And trust me, you will fall in love again.
I’ve got some more 25 signs to know when it’s time to break up, and how to break up gracefully; but before then, I’d like to present to you a few quotes that has to do with breaking up with someone you love.
Related Post: Advice for Couples
Breaking Up with Someone You Love Quotes
1. Sometimes, giving someone a second chance is like giving them an extra bullet for their gun because they missed you the first time. Anonymous
2. I think you still love me but we can’t escape the fact that I’m not enough for you. I knew this was going to happen. So, I’m not blaming you for falling in love with another woman. I’m not angry either. I should be, but I’m not. I just feel pain. A lot of pain. I thought I could imagine how much this would hurt, but I was wrong. ___Haruki Murakami
3. I felt her absence. It was like waking up one day with no teeth in your mouth. You need to run to the mirror to know they were gone. ____James Dashner
4. Everything becomes bearable. When you leave, you might discover it’s not worth all the bearings. ____Omega3
5. Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation. ____Kahlil Gibrana
6. The hottest love has the coldest end. ___Socrates
7. The heart was made to be broken. ____Oscar Wilde
Related Post: Timeless Quotes on Love
25 Signs To Break Up
Is it time to break up? Breaking up is never an easy thing to do. Even when you see glaring signs it’s time to break up, and you’ve decided to end the relationship, it’s a lot easier said than done. So, many a time, we continue to stay.
A psychologist, Kathleen Isaac says, “break up is never straightforward. We bring our own histories and attachment styles into each relationship so the reason why we need to break up and when to do so is person-dependent”.
If you’ve been considering a breakup but don’t know how to clearly assess the signs, here are some signs it’s time to break up.
1. You Know Deep Down It’s Not Right
This situation is difficult because you can’t always explain or articulate why you feel the way you feel. But it’s so important to trust yourself and follow your instinct. Those feelings are what is guiding you. Your truth. And when you listen, life gets so much easier and you open the channels right on up for bigger love and happiness.
To be satisfied, comfortable, and growing in a relationship, you both need to agree that it is right. You need to feel understood, accepted, and heard.
2. You’re Just Not Happy
Your priority is you and you matter most. So if you are not happy, it’s a clear sign then that things are not right. You feel depressed all the time, you don’t enjoy doing your normal routines. If you feel the negativity is permeating enough that you can’t fathom where it is coming from, it’s a good idea to talk to a trusted friend or a counselor, or maybe walk away.
If you want the best way to figure out whether your relationship is working, don’t look at your partner but look at yourself. Do you behave like your normal self? Or are you acting crazy and emotional? Are you scared of what you say or do around your partner? If you are cautious of how you act or what you say around your partner, then you’re likely not going to be happy in the long haul.
3. You Start Feeling Indifferent
This is a subtle sign that it might be time to breakup. Do you know the opposite of love? Indifference. And once you’ve gotten to the stage when you no longer care — about your partner, the relationship, or even yourself, it’s time to go. In the words of Ariana Grande, “Thank you, next.”
4. You Two Have Drifted Apart
If you feel the love is fading out, know that it can be natural for lovers to grow apart. There’s nothing that says we have to be the same person that we were yesterday, a year ago, or even 10 years ago. In fact, it would mean we are not growing. But it is the relationships that stand the test of time that grow together.
But if you both have drifted apart or drifting apart, and it’s not working fixing things, then,it’s probably time to say goodbye to your current relationship. Something better is out there for you.
5. Lack of Communication
Without communication, there is no relationship. in fact, communication is the bedrock of relationship. It’s as simple as that and there is no need to keep beating around the bush. A relationship will never be successful if you’re unable to communicate with your partner — especially in a healthy manner.
6. Your Values Are Being Compromised
This is one of the major causes of breakups in relationships. Once your values and integrity are being compromised, know that it’s a clear red flag that it is time to go, because these two things represent who you are.
When your values start becoming compromised for the sake of “being in a relationship”, it’s time to reevaluate and confirm your worth outside of that relationship”.
Frazier said and I quote, “Neither party in a relationship should lose the essence of who they are as individuals. It’s important to note that relationships are meant to uplift and evolve us rather than diminish and destroy us. If you are feeling more criticized than celebrated in your relationship, it’s time for you to reassess and consider this to be a sign to let it go.”
7. Ceaseless Control Issues
If one person is in control, or a never-ending tug-of-war is going on, you’re probably spending too much energy piloting the relationship. Good relationships improve your life, they don’t make it a mess. A constant outpouring of criticism never helped anyone improve. It is no longer about making things better but boosting the critic’s ego.
8. You Are Being Abused
Either physically or mentally, abuse is never acceptable. And especially as ladies, it is important they treat this as an automatic deal-breaker. If it will happen once, it is more than likely it will
9. The Speed Of The Relationship Is Too Fast And You Can’t Control It
This is an early sign you should quit. Meeting the family, but you never really wanted to go in the first place? Decided to move in together but you know you don’t want to? These might be signs that you don’t want to be in that relationship.
In a serious relationship, there are some significant conversations that you need to be having, and if you’re not having those conversations, then there is the probability that things are moving too fast or there isn’t much of a future.
10. Your Life Directions Are Different
Maybe one person wants kids, but the other never will. One partner may be focused on their career and earning money, whereas the other partner simply wants to work 10-4 on weekdays and then forget about work.
There are various directions in life that people journey through, and it could be that you and your partner are simply on a different path that won’t work well together.
11. Lack of Trust
If there is no trust, a relationship can’t grow. Trust is one of the most important features of a positive relationship. Without trust, two people cannot be comfortable with each other and the relationship will not be stable.
If you can’t trust anything your partner does or says, and you are always suspicious of them, it is one of the signs it’s time to break up. You sure don’t want to live all your life in suspiscion. It’s draining.
12. Faithful ?
You certainly can’t imagine yourself with someone who’s not sincere and truthful to you. Except if you think cheating doesn’t matter.
And there is the other side to this, which has to do with you. If you sincerely realize that you’re beginning to start being unfaithful to your partner; it’s a sign you’re not happy with your relationship. There is no point; hit the nail on the head and take your leave!
13. Introduction to Loved Ones can be a Sign
According to relationship expert, Susan Winter, “gaining access to your partner’s inner circle is a mark of their commitment”. So, if he/she is reluctant about introducing you to his/her family; maybe your partner is yet to conclude about settling down with you or he/she isn’t ready for anything serious with you.
On the flip side, if you feel you can’t just introduce them to your family or friends, then something is wrong and you must pause and check why.
Of course, introduction to inner circle isn’t a sure sign that your partner is truly into you; but it can be an indication that they mean business.
14. Your Family And Friends Don’t Seem To Like Them
If you like your partner and no one else does, then maybe it’s time for you to take a step back and check why this is the case. Outside perspectives can give you a lot of insight when you’re too close to the situation.
There’s generally a good reason why your loved ones don’t fancy the person you’re seeing or in a relationship with. After all, their main intentions are to see you happy, and you might be blinded by love.
So, if your friends and family are warning you about your relationship, then that’s a huge red flag.
15. One-sided Relationship
This is a relationship where one person gives 99.9 percent of their efforts and the partner continuously contributes 1 percent. A healthy relationship is one in which both partners are needed to participate.
When your relationship is constantly one-sided then it’s not a relationship, so this is a sign to let it go.”
16. You Don’t Get What You Need
“A healthy relationship is one when your needs are being met, where there is safety to be vulnerable and where you choose each other and you continually choose to work on the relationship,” says Kathleen Isaac.“ It might be time to break up when those things are no longer true or if you are no longer able to communicate and hear each other.
” When you spend more time asking for what you need instead of getting it and you see no changes, it might be time to go,” she continues. “And if he/she was doing the right thing and then stops, then it’s still time to go.”
17. When You’re Dating “The Loser”
A damaging adult partner can damage us, damage our loved ones, and even damage the way we feel about love and romance in the future.
They can turn what is supposed to be a loving, supporting, and understanding relationship into the “fatal attraction” often described in movies.” The Loser” is a type of partner that creates much social, emotional, and psychological damage in a relationship. Having these ones as partners would realize when to end a relationship.
18. When you and/or your partner find yourselves having to say ‘sorry’ too often
It may be time to draw the line. As good as it may be to be quick to say sorry when we are wrong, having to say sorry all the time is an indication of lack of self control.
Related Post: How to Behave Mature in A Relationship
How To Gracefully End A Relationship
Breaking up may, in fact, be hard to do, but most of us do it at some point. When we fall in love, we often believe that the relationship will last forever. We always hope that there’s no way anything can ever happen to break us up. Except, sometimes, those things can happen and you do break up.
While ending a relationship is one of the most difficult things to do, knowing how to gracefully end a relationship can help make the changeover smoother and less toxic for both partners. Here are some tips on how to gracefully end a relationship.
1. Breakup Tactically
Once you have noticed and you are convinced of the signs it’s time to break up, and you finally decided to end the relationship, the first thing is to know the best way to approach the conversation.
Be clear on exactly what you want. Make sure you truly mean every word that comes out of your mouth at this point. Breaking up with your partner, and attempting to change the person is manipulative and not a good approach.
All the same, understand that there is no pain-free way to break up; either on your part or that of your partner. Once you admit that there will be a pain, you can be prepared for the consequences.
2. Breaking up over text? Not so good, But…
This shows how little your consideration for your partner is. Tell it to them in person. Make it face-to-face. It helps to show that even if you two cannot be together again, you still give them the dignity and respect they deserve.
Depending on how well you know your partner and their feelings, it is better to do it in a private setting. But if you think they might react violently, then it is safer to do it at a public place. In case where you think your safety is still not certain, then do it over text. Yeah! Your safety is important!
3. Avoid Saying “Let’s Stay in Touch”
This is a great temptation that many find difficult to overcome. Avoid further emotional attachments with your ex-partner. Do not suggest staying as friends, although it might still be possible with time. But right now is not right to consider this possibility.
4. Reminiscence on Some of the Good Times You Shared Together
It feels really awful to get dumped. So, express your sincere sadness and lighten the blow a little by sharing your happiest memories you had with the person. Things like, “The day you taught me how to play video games was one of those I would never forget. Also, thanks to you, I can now drive a car”. Make the other person feel like they had a positive impact on your life.
While you do this, be human as much as you can, but avoid getting emotionally. Things might turn.
5. Do Not Succumb to Arguments
Your partner might try to argue or make you see reasons why you still need to remain together and fix things. They might ask a question such as why should we break up when we can try one more time? But if you are already determined to call it quit, nothing can really revive the relationship. Giving in will only delay the unavoidable.
6. Feel The Grief
Even as the one who wanted and asked for the breakup, there will be a period of pain, heartbreak, and tears. Know that you also need to adapt to your new situation. Talk to people you love, engage in activities that make you happy. It’s okay to cry and feel sad. It’s just a phase that will pass with time.
I know breakups aren’t easy, even if apparently, there are signs it’s time to break up. They’re just as heart-rending for the person ending it as it is for the partner on the receiving end. And the wounds take pretty much time to heal.
All the same, you have to go ahead and trust your heart. You know deep down what the answer is and where your truth lies. Do not fret. Trust your instinct. Know that the pain will go and more joy will come. Do what you need to do to find true love and happiness. It’s always, always worth it.
In any relationship break-up, it is crucial to remember how to be kind and earnest. It’s so easy to forget how your partner might be hurting when you are so soaked up with your own emotions. It is one thing to be clear of the signs it’s time to break up, it is another thing to know how to handle a breakup.
Also, it is all-important to avoid centering the entire conversation on yourself alone.
In the end, we all want things to be much easier for everyone.