A lot of people believe that “happily ever after” is just a fallacy, while few don’t even know it exists; but the truth is it does. We’ve only been misled by the society we find ourselves in, the rate of divorce, heartbreaks, and suicidal attempts due to relationship problems, but this does not change the fact that “happily ever after” is attainable.
We’ve heard testimonies of lovely couples. We’ve seen them, we even know some of them in person. Right in your community, there are a couple of them. Happy relationships make happy people, thereby reducing the number of societal problems we have.
This is why we’ve taken out time and resources to gather everything you need to know. From discovering what kind of lover are you psychologically to the types of relationships to the important things you need to know in a relationship and more. Sit down, get a cup of tea, and enjoy.
There’s a widely believed axiom that experience is the best teacher- but is that really true? With experience, you learn through consequences, which may at times be fatal. But with observation, you can learn through studying. Either by studying a person, a book, a situation, or other people’s experiences. The good thing about this is you don’t get to suffer any losses if you apply what you’ve learned quickly and efficiently. Believe me, it’s no different for love related matters.
You might have been dating for a while or you just started. You may be engaged or about to be, and you’re looking for tips to wow her and sweep her off her feet. You may have just gotten married last week or be married for ten years already or probably about to wed. Well, we’ve considered all categories while writing this. So, your answers are here! The relationship advice for couples here is a coalition of years of observation- studying books, situations, and other people’s experiences. We’ve also put together advice from old married couples
Love is a beautiful feeling, but do you know that as beautiful as it is, it can get ugly quickly? It’s only a matter of doing a few wrong things- lack of communication and slow distancing. Then, the love that was once head-over-heels slowly recedes into the dark. Relationship problems are real! Learn how to have that “happily ever after” that you desire.
Before we bite on the important things to know in a relationship to avoid relationship problems, let’s talk about what kind of lover are you psychologically?
What Kind of Lover Are You Psychologically?
Why do you need to answer the question, what kind of lover are you psychologically? I’m sure you may be asking yourself ‘is there any need for that?’ Well, there is, if you’re looking to pick the right partner. You need to understand yourself first before you enter into any relationship, because, understanding what kind of lover you are is the answer to the question- what type of lover do you need?
According to Lee (1973), there are six types of lovers.
• Pragma Lover
If you’re a pragma lover, you’re concerned more about synchrony. In other words, you like to collect like terms like we were taught in mathematics those days. You care about matching goals in life, status, dreams. Your kind of person is likely to hook up with your business partner or hook your child up with the child of someone of similar interest.
You’re not a bad person; you’re only pragmatic, practical, and realistic. As advantageous as this is, there are few disadvantages too. For instance, you may love mandatorily instead of freely, and you may face several relationship problems if the person doesn’t live up to who you thought they were.
What type of lover do you need? A fellow pragma lover. Don’t take an average person and try to bend them into who you want them to be.
• Mania Lover
This type of lover tends to bend towards obsession. They’re fragile, frail, and can be unstable. They love with all their heart and might; some even lose sleep when in love. They give their all in their relationship and can explode very easily if they detect any sign of unfaithfulness.
They can get highly greedy, jealous, and overprotective over the ones they love. So let’s call them a little insecure. If you’re this type of lover, you may want to try controlling your sensitivity as much as you can.
What type of lover do you need? Someone who is emotionally strong, calm, and doesn’t get upset easily. Someone, who can tolerate and love you no matter what.
• Agape Lover
An agape lover is selfless. Christians like to call this lover the Christ-like lover. You give and don’t expect anything in return, you want the best for your partner and you don’t mind going to the end of the world for it. The happiness of the other person comes first to you. Most importantly, you’re able to let go as long as the person is happy. An agape lover is one of the best lovers in the world.
What type of lover do you need? Actually, any lover would do for you. Just make sure to find a good person so your kindheartedness is not taken for granted.
• Eros Lover
As the name implies, this lover is erotic. You like to bond chemically- if that’s the word. You know all curled up and romantic and warmed up. You have no regard for physical things, and you’re not as realistic as the pragma lover.
You may not be easily attached, like the mania lover. You may not even be able to break a limb like the agape lover. You esteem intimacy above every other factor. If he/she makes you feel warm and loved, then you’re up for that person.
What type of lover do you need? A warm person. Someone that makes you feel safe. Safety is really important in emotional bonding. There’s a high chance that if he/she makes you feel safe, comfortable, and happy, there’ll be no relationship problems.
• Ludus Lover
This kind of lover is a player. Avoid them if you’re hoping for a commitment or serious relationship because they’ll disappoint you. Some Ludus lovers are born, while some are made. Still, we’ll not advise you to bet your heart on them; especially if what you want is not a casual relationship.
They love the game of seduction, and only want to have fun. Most times they’re onto different people. That is, they can be in various relationships at the same time and can end it at any time. Don’t get this wrong, they’re not necessarily bad people. In fact, most of them are good-hearted, they only don’t like commitments.
What type of lover do you need? You need a fellow Ludus lover who is not ready for commitments too. Please avoid the mania lovers mostly, they can do something very drastic if you hurt them.
• Storge Lover
Last but not least. These lovers build their emotions over time. They could start from being friends or business partners or schoolmates and work their way into a relationship. They take their time very well. Survey has shown that even after the breakup, they can still hang out, remain friends, and be cool.
What type of lover do you need? Any lover is cool for you as a storge. They must be patient enough though, else they’ll leave before you make your intention known.
Types of Relationships
Basically, there are three types of relationships;
• Healthy Relationships
Healthy relationships are like heaven on earth. The partners are faithful, work towards the growth and development of one another. Relationship problems are resolved quickly, communication gaps are bridged, third parties are not always intruding.
In this relationship, there’s no abuse, either emotionally, physically, mentally, or otherwise. The couple is contented with each other. In case you’re thinking that this type of relationship only exists in the mind; I need to quickly affirm that it does happen in reality.
The importance of a healthy relationship in our society today is underrated. When there are healthy relationships, the nation will get better. As they say, charity begins at home. Healthy dating will form healthy marriage which will breed healthy and charitable children, that will in turn produce healthy leaders tomorrow.
• Unhealthy Relationships
Unhealthy relationships should be avoided like the plague, yet it’s abundant today. Even couples that are not yet married beat each other. The woman is always the prey and a subject of domestic violence. The word ‘love’ is now a shadow of what it formerly was, shaped to be a lie and a subject of scorn.
Unhealthy relationships have done more harm and no good to our society, some of which are;
• More suicidal cases
• Domestic violence
• Loss of self-confidence
• Moral laxity
• Birth of more thugs and criminals
But to mention a few…
• Beneficial Relationships
These relationships are neither healthy nor unhealthy. There’s no specific word to describe it. People are in this relationship because of what they can get from their partner and for other specific reasons like greed, obsession, and more. They may act like all is well but deep down there’s no chemistry, everything is most likely a façade of lies to deceive people that all is well.
I bet the type of relationship you’d want and want to be in is a healthy relationship. But it doesn’t come on a platter of gold and honestly, no relationship is a bed of roses but the ability to swim with the tide without getting drown crowns the survivor. There are many important things to know in a relationship, so we’ll start with things you should always do in a relationship, then we’ll move to advise and new tips for couples. Either you’re dating, engaged, or married, this is for you. So, keep reading.
Three Things You Should Always Do In A Relationship
You may be wondering if all you have to do to have that enviable relationship are just three. Well, you may find another longer list somewhere else, but I bet you that these three are the basis that encapsulate every other points that might be on any long list. If you would take care of these three things, every other things would have been taken care of already.
Take these three things serious,
• Trust Your Partner
What is a trust? I’m sure you’d say confidence or belief in something or somebody. Well, you’re very right but there’s one definition we’d like you to know, remember and keep – trust is a way of life, a way of living, a way of loving. A way of expressing your feelings, your placard that says I love my partner.
Trust is like salt in the food, the pillar that holds the house, the air that man breathes. If you understand how important these are, then you must agree with me that trust is very important if you want to build a healthy relationship and easily overcome your relationship problems. One of the things you should always do in a relationship is to trust your partner.
• Learn To Talk
The second on this list of things you should always do in a relationship is learning to talk. A popular adage says “silence kills”; another says “a closed mouth is a closed destiny.” The two are pointing to one thing- talk. Talk in this sense means to communicate. You can’t keep grudges with your partner over a little something that should’ve been resolved quickly every time and expect a long-lasting relationship.
If you’re uncomfortable, talk. When you need something, talk. When unhappy, talk. Many folks will say “before I talk, my partner should understand”. Well, we’re all humans. He or she will get to that point, you only need to give them time.
This is one of the most important things to know in a relationship which is why I’ll emphasize it again. Talk to avoid unhealthy relationships! Bear in mind that effective communication is the backbone of a healthy relationship.
• Love Your Partner As Yourself
Another very important thing you should always do in a relationship is to love and love selflessly. Love him/her as yourself.
The theory behind that rule is simple. What you wouldn’t do to yourself, you wouldn’t do it to someone you love as yourself. If you love someone like yourself, you would never hurt them and if you do unknowingly, it’ll hurt you badly. You’d never put them in a difficult position, you’d want to make them happy and your relationship will be free from so many relationship problems. We don’t want you to only fall in love but to stay in love too.
Related Post: Experts’ Advice on How to Handle Divorce
20 Relationship Advice for Newlyweds
Wedding bells sounds nice. The expensive wedding gown, charismatic groom’s suit, the long bridal train, the reception, and the food are all wonderful things about wedding ceremonies, but what happens after?
Don’t tell us you were about to jump into that marriage just like that if your friend didn’t ask you to check out relationship advice for newlyweds. Do you want to learn by experience or by observation? If it’s by observation, then read the 20 relationship advice for newlyweds below. It also includes advice from old married couples. New relationship pieces of advice for singles are just below this section.
• Pray together, because the family that prays together stays together. That may sound religious, but it’s helpful. Researchers found it to be.
• Share moments of joy with each other: If something happened at work or the salon, talk about it. Create time to gist. This may be seen as unnecessary, but it helps to bond.
• Spend time together: I believe this is the main reason for the honeymoon. For the couples to spend time together. Alone! I think Honeymoons are overrated. You don’t have to travel to Paris, the city of love to have yours. It could be right there in your home. You could have honeymoons weekly or monthly as you’d like it.
It’s more about the quality time and companionship you share while together.
• Face challenges head-on as a couple: It’ll make you stronger. Like they say “What doesn’t break you, makes you.” Don’t curl up in one corner with all your problems alone. Face it with your partner. Carry him or her along. You’re no more single, you’re now married. So, do what married couples do- they share issues.
• Don’t keep secrets: Secrets are like little drops of water that can tear a wall down. They do no good but tear your marriage apart.
• Talk finances together: The love of money, they say is the root of all evil. Money can cause relationship problems and breed unhealthy relationships. Be open to each other on finances, plan on what you’re earning. Find what works for you. The point is, support each other.
• Go on dates: Either it’s seeing a new movie, hanging out in the park, or going to the beach, going on dates helps you feel younger and keeps your marriage alive. We’ll also talk about this in the relationship advice for singles.
• Pay attention to your partner’s emotional needs. Don’t give them a reason to be unfaithful. Improve where necessary. Be romantic. Find out how your partner wants to be touched and be determine to have a satisfied ‘bedtime’.
• Talk about love-making: It’s very important to talk about love making with your partner, discover what they like and don’t like.
• Prepare good meals: In some conventional homes, the wife has the responsibility to cook for her family which is why they say “good food is the way to a man’s heart” and “the best chef wins the heart of the husband” well, in a case where the wife cannot cook, the husband can teach the wife so the family can enjoy good meals.
• Do chores together: Although this may not be plausible in some conventional homes, it is a way to build a healthy and strong relationship.
• Keep the love bank full: like there’s a power bank where you store power to charge your phone later, there’s also a love bank. It’s like a reservoir, keep it always full. Charge it with memories, fun, things that will remind you of the happy couple you are.
• Support each other’s dreams: Most relationship conflicts have their roots in unfulfilled dreams. These are feelings of frustration and bitterness that couples feel towards one another when their expectations or goals for the future are not being respected or honored. Therefore, to avoid rift in the marriage, couples must ensure that each other dreams are being fulfilled by considering the following:
○ Understand each other’s dreams, the stories behind them, and set up plans to achieve them together.
○ Always feel comfortable communicating about your dreams with your partner.
○ Ensure you listen to your partner and give room for improvements.
• Do not be afraid of polite disagreement: there is no ideal way of making your thought known in a relationship because experiences differ. Where some couples talk things out quietly, others may prefer the raising of voices and a passionate disagreement.
The major thing to take note of is that conflict in relationships is inevitable and couples should not be afraid of conflict in marriage. Instead, you need to feel safe to express things that bother you without fear of retaliation and be able to resolve conflict without humiliation, or insisting on pointing accusing fingers of being right or wrong.
• Do not expect too much from your partner: Despite the claims of romantic movies, where everything painted is what many people emulate in their love life or marriages. The fact remains that no one person can meet all of your needs. In fact, expecting too much from your partner can put unhealthy pressure on a relationship.
So, do well to avoid too much expectation from your spouse, so you won’t stir up unnecessary pressure in the marriage.
• Compare thou not. Although, there are tons of write up on the internet concerning this topic, sharing my take on this wouldn’t be a bad idea. We live in a society where comparing oneself with others is a common and normal phenomenon. Even at times, situations may arise in your marriage where you become tempted to compare your marriage with others or past ones.
Generally speaking, spending a lot of time comparing your partner with others is harmful to your marriage because it will blind you to the good things about your relationship and you could end up ruminating over the things your marriage lacks.
On the other hand, in most cases, when you and your partner are talking about other couples, you can just discuss how they differ from you — which is very natural, these sorts of conversations could bring you closer to your partner. Taking note of things that you don’t like about other people’s relationships can help you identify and observe aspects of yours that you might not have noticed before.
For example, you might acknowledge that you’d never put down your partner or point accusing fingers in the same way your friends or neighbors do. It is important to highlight and clarify how your relationship is good and functioning.
Relationship Advice for Married Couples Having Problems
Married couples can have relationship problems too. It’s not the end of the world, read this advice for married couples having problems and practice it.
If you’ve ever seen a movie titled the war room, you’d know the importance of prayer. The protagonist in the movie was able to revive her marriage and win her husband back because of prayers.
2. Forgive / Apologize
Apologize for whatever wrongs you’ve done in the past.
Unfortunately, this is the last thing we want to do when issues come up in our homes. Both parties want to believe it was the fault of the other. However, it is necessary to understand that you don’t have to be wrong to apologize. You apologize if that’s the requirement to restore your relationship.
Offenses and love co-exist. You might be the one that needs to forgive your partner and understand that that erring is absolutely normal in a relationship. Don’t hold back. Let your partner know you’ve forgiven him/her.
3. Seek Counselling
If you keep having problems in your marriage, it is indispensable that you may have to seek third party counseling. Especially after many attempts to settle scores with your partner. That could be your parents, elders, trusted mentors, church leaders, and most especially a marriage counselor.
4. Make Amends
Correct your mistakes. Saying sorry is not enough, don’t do it again. Change for the better. That may be all you need to restore your home.
New Relationship Advice for Ladies and New Relationship Tips For Guys
Don’t make your man or your babe tired of the relationship already. You can spice it up, make it feel fresh again, bring it alive. With this new relationship advice for ladies and new relationship tips for guys, the romance of your relationship can be re-awakened.
• Spend more time together
• Go on more dates
• Plan your future together if you really want to be together forever
• Spice up your style
• Surprise your partner
• Buy him/her gifts
• Step up your romance game.
It is my earnest desire that you find this article useful. Although, the beautiful thing about advice is to give it a trial. Practice these relationship advice for couples, and you’ll see your marriage or relationship among the list of the unbelievably existing “happily ever after”.
Even if you’ve been having issues in your marriage, and you’re afraid of losing your partner, following these advice will do the magic, and re-ignite the romance once in your home.
I’ll like to hear from you. Drop a comment and share this with your social media contact. Who knows who may need this too?