Settling Offenses and the Power Of Forgiveness in Marriage
Love and forgiveness coexist, you cannot be loving and be unforgiving.
Marriage, they say is a beautiful thing. The rush of feelings, the warmth, the affection and attraction you had towards your partner, and those days of unexplainable smiles that only you could understand, are all that precedes this beautiful thing called Marriage.
However, as beautiful as marriage is, there are times when we will get offended by our partners, feel hurt by their actions, and be disappointed in them. Does that mean we should allow this break us and mar our relationship with someone we once loved, adored, and cherished? of course, no!. Hence, the need to learn forgiveness in marriage and see the beauty thereof.
It is not strange that human beings generally are bound to err, therefore, the need to make deliberate efforts in forgiving your spouse and cultivate the habit of forgiveness in marriage. After all, holding grudges in marriage can be likened to gulping down a bottle of poison and expecting your partner to die! Of course, it’s not possible.
In this article, we will explore the concept of forgiveness in marriage, the importance of forgiveness in marriage and also, guide you on the journey to receiving forgiveness or stretching your hand of forgiveness to your erring partner. So whether you are at the “giving” or the receiving end, this article will help you find your way to freedom and rekindle the dimming love in your home.
Marriage and Offenses
As we journey through in marriage, we are bound to step on each others’ toes. Ranging from the subtle and tacit causes like not getting the attention we desired from our partner, or our partner refusing to help us, to a more serious level of offenses that made us feel betrayed and disappointed. Then we become bitter and greatly loathe someone we once loved. Of a truth, the issue of marriage and offenses cannot be shy away from, however, how we handle it determines what it makes out of us- bitter or better.
How then do we handle this? it is simply by learning the act of forgiveness in marriage. Offenses, surely, will arise, but it is left for us whether to take it or leave it.
Remember, it’s a choice, you can choose to take offenses and allow it to get into you at the expense of your relationship or let go of it and experience true peace and freedom.
Unforgiveness in Marriage
Being offended by someone very close to our heart is not the same as offenses by an outsider. With an outsider, one may even forget being offended. With a special person, like a spouse, it’s a different ball game.
In fact, the closer the offender, the more intense will the pain of the offense in our heart. If you have been offended by a special person, the understanding of this fact will help you understand why you feel so much pain by the offense.
More so, there are tiny issues that can be easily resolved, sadly some issues could be more critical and make forgiving your spouse seems impossible. For example, in a situation when letting go of a cheating husband or wife seems like the only option, in the case of infidelity. This, among others, might lead to an enduring case of unforgiveness in marriage.
However, understanding the beauty of forgiveness, most especially, forgiveness in marriage will reduce taking and allowing offenses, which might lead to unforgiveness in marriage, to the barest minimum. Remember, “to forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you“- Lewis B. Smedes.
Hence, an extra effort is required, as the concept of forgiveness in marriage must be deliberately learned, even going as far as learning how to forgive your spouse for infidelity. Not necessarily for the sake of the erring partner, but for your peace and true freedom.
It is true that there are situations when the offended is finding it difficult to forgive. Consider introducing a third party to help in the process of reconciliation and forgiveness in marriage. However, this must be done with care. Care must be taken to be sure that this will not aggravate the issue but rather bring the much-needed reconciliation.
Importance of Forgiveness in Marriage
Oftentimes, forgiveness can be wrongly interpreted to be a weakness, that forgiving someone means you are approving of their behavior. However, forgiveness is indeed a strength, as it depicts the choice to live a life others have no control over, and that you are not influenced by unresolved bitterness and fury.
Until you see the importance of forgiveness in marriage, the act of forgiveness in marriage might seem trivial to you. Interestingly, it has been shown by numerous researchers that one of the key factors to a successful marriage is forgiveness. Hence, whether you are the erring partner or the victim, deliberate actions against holding grudges in marriage are very important, as it is also good both to your physical and psychological health.
Your ability and that of your partner in a relationship to forgive and also seek forgiveness, to a great extent, contribute to a level of marital satisfaction, and is also recognized to be one of the factors that determine the longevity of a relationship. Remember, a perfect marriage is built, not by two perfect people, but by two imperfect people who have chosen to always forgive each other.
Related Post: Prayers for your Marriage and Family
Overcoming Resentment in Marriage
Resentment is likely to arise in a marriage when you or your partner starts feeling being taken advantage of or taken for granted. Issues like recurrent selfish acts, being too attached to a job, failure to take up responsibilities, unrealistic high expectations, (by either party), or even failing to remember your spouse’s special days, and celebrating them can pile up to cause resentment, and make forgiveness in marriage a difficult task.
Interestingly, whether you are the one struggling with resentful feelings towards your partner or you are the victim here, being resented by your partner, the good news is that it is possible to right every wrong, and take deliberate actions in overcoming resentment in your marriage.
Today, I will quickly share with you these few proven tips that can greatly help in overcoming resentment in marriage.
Now, let’s start with You!
If you find yourself being resentful of your partner, it could because you have allowed the little “mole” of unpleasant feelings towards your partner, pile up to become a mountain of offenses. However, it could also be as a result of more complicated offenses, whichever way, forgiving your spouse and overcoming resentment is achievable by taking these few steps;
1. Pour Out Your Feelings In Writing
This will allow you to gain clarity in an upsetting situation, and reveal what exactly is causing such a great resentment feeling towards your partner. Probably it is a result of a pile-up of unresolved offenses over a long period.
Carefully analyze what you’ve written down to discover the cause or basis of the problem. Truthfully ask yourself whether it’s an offense you have refused to let go of or an issue that keeps repeating itself.
2. Take a View from Another Perspective
Try and see if the issue can be viewed from a positive perspective, are you having unrealistic high expectations, can your partner’s error be judged from an empathetic point of view?
However, I understand that there are situations where your partner’s offense can in no way be viewed from a positive perspective, moreover, doing this might be of help in the journey of finding a solution. Although, being empathetic doesn’t license your partner to continue in this hurtful way of life. The issues still need to be rightly tackled.
3. Communicate Your Feelings With Calmness
This might seem like the most difficult step, however, remember that nothing is going to be changed until you communicate how you feel to your partner. Do not forget that whatever the issue that stirs a feeling of resentment towards your partner in you, as long as it is not addressed, you will continue feeling the pain.
4. Suggest a Possible Solution or Come to a Point of Compromise
Consider some little adjustment your partner can make on those hurtful habits that would greatly help you and your relationship free of offenses. Note that you might not experience improvement if you are making unrealistic demands. Try and humble yourself, and reach a compromise with your spouse.
5. Leave and Let Go of the Past
Being able to let go of the past is very essential to overcoming resentment in marriage, Forgive and forget, do not bring up the old issues if already resolved. Keep your heart tender towards your partner, avoid harboring hurts, resentment, and unforgiveness in your relationship.
Now, if your partner feels resentment towards you,
This might not be noticeable in the beginning, however as time goes on, it will become glaring. Although it is easy to be defensive and want to even take offense, however, if you observe, it might be a piling resentment as a result of a bad or hurtful habit or action you exhibit.
If you think/ notice your partner resents you;
1. Find out why?
This might not be easy to discover, especially when you try doing it on your own. Sometimes you might not see your errors by yourself. There is a need to approach your spouse with all humility and a true show of care. Ask them if there’s a way you’ve hurt their feelings with your habit or behavior. Be careful not to be defensive, but be humble and receptive while you listen to what he/ she has to say.
However, if you already knew the root of your spouse’s resentment feeling towards you, say an action or habit that is both glaring to the two of you, you still need to talk about it, as this will help in paving a way to finding a solution and overcoming resentment in marriage.
2. Face It and Fix It
once you are aware of the root of your partner’s resentment towards you, it’s time to act on facing it and fixing it, i.e, seeking forgiveness.
However, if you don’t know the steps to take on how to ask your wife for forgiveness as a man, or how to show your husband you’re truly sorry, as a woman, following these few steps to forgiveness in marriage highlighted below, will be of great help.
• Accept your errors and admit that you are wrong. The journey to ask your partner for forgiveness will begin with the realization and admitting that you were wrong.
• Take full responsibility and acknowledge that you hurt your partner. One of the signs of a mature man/ woman is the ability to take responsibility when you’re wrong; not to take it half-way, but to take the FULL responsibility for your mistake. This will enable you to take steps towards seeking forgiveness.
• Let your partner see that you are truly sorry. Asking for forgiveness is not a way to cajole the other person into settling a matter. It is rather a sincere show of remorsefulness for your being wrong. Don’t hide your sincere remorsefulness from your partner; it’s part of the healing process.
• Sincerely and humbly ask for forgiveness. It’s good to feel remorseful, but don’t stop there. ASK for forgiveness. This might touch the tender part of your ego, but it is fine if you’re doing it for the person you truly love.
• Be patient with your spouse and do not try to rush them into forgiving you. Sometimes, healing takes time. The hurt might have gone deeply into your partner, making the process of forgiveness slower or longer. In cases like this, allow your partner to gradually come off from the hurt and forgive you. just be patient.
• Don’t be too hard on yourself, forgive yourself too. This is a very important point too. Forgiving yourself is necessary to bounce back into love again. If you don’t, you may become frigid and unnatural in your relationship. After you are forgiven, don’t forget to forgive yourself too.
• Make room for improvement, work on yourself, and turn a new leaf. Offenses are inevitable in marriage. However, constant offenses will hurt your relationship. it’s nice to seek forgiveness in marriage, but it’s better to work on yourself, improve and turn a new leaf.
Related Post: Handling Divorce
Forgiveness in Marriage Quotes
Whether you are trying to seek your partner’s forgiveness in marriage, or you are the one being offended, there is a need to be patient and give time for healing to take place. Hence, during this period, if you are the one trying to apologize to your spouse, you can send him/her a series of text messages to ask for forgiveness or share with him/ her from this list of deep and thoughtful forgiveness in marriage quotes.
At some points, offenses and resentment in marriage could be so critical that forgiveness in marriage seems impossible, you could be so confused to the extent that you are asking yourself a question like: should I forgive my wife as a man? Or should I let go of my husband’s offenses, as a woman? The good news is that nothing is impossible as long as we are ready for it, and take the right steps towards it. This list of forgiveness in marriage quotes is compiled to help you through the process.
1.The Union between two imperfect people, with a good forgiving spirit, is what makes a happy marriage.
2. The feeling that forgiveness brings is soothing, it brings warmth to the heart and alleviates the sting.
3. Loving each other in marriage doesn’t mean we will never give each other headaches, but for us to stay happy together we need to be committed to forgiving each other’s fault.
4. Unending cycle of Resentment and retaliation dominate in a world governed by unforgiveness.
5. Holding on to past errors and recycling them is destructive to marriage, to err is human, to forgive is divine.
6. A simple act of forgiveness can bring life to marriage and make it whole again.
7. Until you are strong enough to forgive, your claim to love is questionable.
8. If truly we want to prove that we love each other as we love ourselves, then we must learn to forgive each other if we err, just as we would have forgiven ourselves when we’ve done things we never wanted to do and fail to do those things we ought to have done.
9. Love and forgiveness coexist, you cannot be loving and be unforgiving.
10. Bitterness in your heart is a live coal, it is more damaging to your heart than to them.
11. No matter the level of pain and injury, it shouldn’t be left unresolved. Blaming doesn’t heal, forgiveness does.
12. Just like faith, the act of forgiveness is learned and renewed.
13. It takes teamwork to build a great marriage, with the ingredient of respect, love, admiration, and a perpetual act of forgiveness.
14. Love and forgiveness is a continuous ritual to keep a marriage. You love every day and forgive daily.
15. Forgiveness is a show of strength and selflessness that gives up my right to hurt you back for hurting me.
16. As much as you want to be forgiven, learn to forgive your spouse. Remember, you are not perfect, so is your offender.
17. Amazingly, it is easier for us to forgive and forget. It’s just that we don’t want others to forget that we forgave.
18. To truly stay happy in marriage, and live long, you need to find a way to forgive and stop fussing over little errors.
19. It takes a person of good character and self-control to be understanding and forgiving, and not blame, condemn, and complain.
20. The most complete form of revenge is to forgive and let go of the pain.
Undoubtedly, forgiveness in marriage quotes has a way of changing your perspective about marriage and offenses, and will greatly help in redeeming your marriage.
There you have it! Whether you are the one who has offended your spouse, or the one working towards overcoming resentment in marriage, one thing is important; coming to the understanding and embracing the beauty of forgives in marriage.
Did you find this article helpful? let’s know in the comments section. I know you would have someone this can also be of help to, so, feel free to share!