‘All relationships have problems. Your ability to overcome them defines your relationship strength.’ -Anonymous
As humans, daily interactions with one another are vital for survival. These interactions sometimes lead to a deeper form of connection known as relationships. Relationships can be with family, marital partner, friends, God, and other groups of beings that we come in contact with. Generally, it is not always rosy and several problems arise along the line.
Relationship issues especially in marriages are inevitable. These problems can either be averted or fixed to prevent further damage to the relationship. While some problems lead to complications in the relationship, some others are relatively normal. A lot of things can bring about these problems, some of which we may consider trivial. It is left for both partners to understand how to fix relationship problems.
This post provides detailed answers to questions asked on relationship problems and also provides tips on how to fix relationship problems. Although, this post tends towards marital relationship, the solutions suggested can help to fix any kinds of relationship problems. Grab a drink and get ready for a smooth ride on all the ups and downs of a relationship and how to fix them.
Normal Relationship Issues
Before knowing how to fix relationship problems, you must first identify the relationship issue to be resolved. No relationship is devoid of problems while some of these problems may seem unresolvable, some others are normal relationship issues that you do not need to fret over. Some of these normal relationship problems are also top relationship problems that a lot of people in relationships are facing. Here are some normal relationship issues that you could be overworking yourself for.
Arguments usually arise due to differences in the personalities and opinions of both partners. It also arises as a result of a misunderstanding between partners. While some arguments may be healthy, most of them are better avoided and rather used as discussion topics to ease the tension in the atmosphere.
Common relationship arguments are on money matters, invasion of marital privacy by extended family, expectations from outsiders, love making related issues, childbearing issues, health-related matters, household chores which could be on who does the school runs. These common relationship arguments could arise due to poor communication between partners. Generally, arguments leave one or both partners hurt.
• Arguments On Financial Issues
this can arise when the financial status of your spouse is no longer as it used to be. Your spouse who is facing these challenges fails to understand the situation and still spends extravagantly.
It could also be that you are going through a financial crisis and your spouse seems to care less. The person keeps making unnecessary demands and spends above the financial budget. You are scared that soon, nothing would be left of your savings. You are also frustrated about the sudden turn of events and you transfer the aggression through a heated argument which of course, doesn’t end well.
• Arguments On Childbearing Issues
While you are very eager to have children, your partner seems not to be ready to have children yet and you are scared that when your partner is finally ready, you may not be strong enough to go through what childbearing requires.
You also panic that your partner may eventually decide not to have children again and you won’t get to feel what real parenthood is all about. Disagreements on the number of children to have may arise; while you may want as little as two children, your partner is concerned with having as many children as possible.
• Arguments On Household Chores
This is very common and often occurs in relationships that no partner has a specific role to perform. Chores could involve school runs where both parties argue over who is to take the children to school and bring them back home. It’s not surprising when children of these couples are being left in school till nightfall either because both parents forgot or because they were expecting the other to do the work.
• Arguments On Love-making Related Issues
The sex life of couples in a relationship is very important. No two people are the same therefore it is very normal for both partners not to have the same level of satisfaction or excitement during sex. Sometimes, one partner may not be comfortable with the demands of the other partner
You may also be going through some health challenges that prevent you from satisfying your partner during sex. When partners seem not to be getting certain degrees of sexual satisfaction from the other, they play the blame game and arguments ensue.
• Arguments From Addictions
people have their likes and dislikes and things that they are constantly doing even unconsciously. Your partner may be addicted to smoking, drinking, eating unhealthily, keeping late nights, or even dipping a finger in the food to have a taste. As much as the other person is infuriated by this, he or she may decide to display the rage through arguments.
• Arguments Due To Extended Family
Invasion of relationship privacy by an extended family is a relationship problem that affects both partners. Some extended family members may come to your home and want you to do a particular thing in a certain way and you are not comfortable with it. Your spouse may see nothing in this and may begin to act under the influence of the extended family member.
You may begin to panic over this for fear of your relationship being controlled by an outsider. Confronting your husband about the issue causes a heated argument which still leaves the problem unsolved.
• Arguments Due To Rebound Relationship
This happens when both or one of the partners recently got over a relationship and walked into the present relationship without thinking things through or completely healing from the previous relationship. The love and affection may not be as expected and unnecessary arguments arise very often.
Some of these normal relationship issues could become long term relationship problems if left unresolved. Some common long term relationship problems are:
2. Age Difference/ Respect Issues
Most times, the gap between the ages of partners is a problem. In some relationships where there is a huge age difference between the couples, the older one may consider the other as being immature and belittles the other in whatever the person does.
Even when the couples are barely age mates, there may be no respect for each other.
3. Previous Relationships
Your spouse might be someone who was once in a toxic relationship. This affects him or her psychologically and in a bid to prevent past experiences from reoccurring, your spouse seems to be obsessed with certain things and also creates rules that you feel are not healthy for the relationship.
Your previous relationship may have been all lovey-dovey and when things turn sour in your present relationship, you start comparing your present relationship to your previous. This can make your partner feel he or she isn’t good enough for you. Either of you might become more reserved and begin to bear bitter feelings of resentment towards each other.
4. Regrets Over Relationship
Some people get into a marital relationship and suddenly begin to have their regrets. This can be because they are beginning to discover new things about their spouse or because they compare their relationships with other people’s relationship that seems to be perfect. This causes a form of dissatisfaction in relationships.
Regrets can only deteriorate the relationship and soon both couples begin to lose connection.
5. Spending Less Time Together
This problem can be due to the demanding nature of the job of your partner. Your partner returns late and barely has time to spend with you or even the children. Your relationship is slowly growing apart and you are scared that you will soon become strangers under the same roof.
Sometimes you may be the reason too. Due to the huge amount of time you spend on your computer and mobile phone you give no room for physical communication. You both know that you are losing intimate connection and this brings problems between you two.
6. Making Derogatory Or Belittling Comments
Because your spouse seems to have lost his/her attractive look and all you see is an oversized human who dresses haggardly. You make derogatory remarks about this. Or if your spouse’s background seems not to be well to do, you make belittling remarks at your spouse for this. You try to prove dominance and won’t let the other person partake in decision making.
It hurts that person to know that you think less of him or her and this brings problems between you two.
7. Falling Out Of Love
The spark seems to be gone and your spouse no longer seems as handsome or as beautiful as you thought they used to be. Her belly seems to bulge every time she puts on a tight-fitting gown, her hourglass figure has transformed into a shape that you can’t even decipher. His or her style of dressing has suddenly changed. All you suddenly see is clumsiness in human form.
You wonder when all the ‘rumpy pumpy’ you used to see vanished. Waking up every day to your partner’s face is becoming choking for you and you’re craving personal time badly. This affects your mood in several ways and soon you find yourself nagging unnecessarily
8. Not Agreeing On Almost Everything Issue
Varying ideologies can cause partners to disagree often. When you both want to have your ways without trying to consider the other person’s opinion or without trying to see things from each other’s perspective, you may be shocked at what your spouse may spew at you during arguments.
9. Methods Of Cooking
Your spouse may like to have his meals prepared in certain ways. It may be very stressful for you and he doesn’t seem to appreciate your efforts.
Your partner may be exposed to an expert level of cooking and when you don’t measure up to his expectations; your dishes are considered tasteless and unappetizing. Comments like these are depressing and hurtful.
Curiosity got the better of you and you couldn’t help going through your partner’s mobile phone to check messages and call log. You are shocked at finding out that he has a secret relationship. Now you finally realize why your spouse has been unusually keeping late nights and leaving the house more often than not. He seems not to be contrite for his actions after confronting him. Enraged by this, you filled with the desire to seek revenge and this causes a huge fight between you two.
When your relationship has suffered due to infidelity and dishonesty. No matter how quick your spouse is at apologizing for doing wrong, you find it difficult to build the trust that was once there and seem to not trust a word of whatever your partner says.
This is a familiar issue for people in long-distance relationships. The distance makes it hard most times to truly understand a partner.
These problems are better fixed at their early stages to avoid proceeding to a complicated one. At the complicated stage, issues usually seem harder to resolve and most people will not want their relationships to become a complicated one.
Avoiding Complicated Relationship Problems
Avoiding complicated relationship problems is much better than being in a complicated relationship. When some of these normal relationship problems become long term problems and things gradually begin to get worse, there is a huge tendency that your marriage is becoming a complicated one. A complicated relationship is one that both partners no longer understand each other and things are quite vague between them.
The first step to avoiding complicated relationship problems is by pointing out the long term relationship problems that keep igniting other issues in the relationship. Try to communicate as much as possible with your partner.
Most times, complicated relationship problems stem from not knowing your spouse well even before marriage. Hence it is best to have a general idea on good conversation topics for dating. Family, greatest fear, past experiences, childhood memories, pet peeves, and daily problems are all conversation topics for dating that can provide a deeper form of connection between people.
It helps partners to understand each other more and prevents unnecessary arguments in relationships. When discussed during dating, it gives them ample time to know if it is something they can cope with for the rest of their lives or if they can simply part ways. Knowing your partner’s likes and dislikes can prevent problems in the future. Don’t allow your relationship problems result in resentments
Since we are all different in our actions and ideologies, tolerance is the bane of a long-lasting relationship. We all have our flaws but sometimes, it may be a bit hard tolerating another’s flaws. No matter what, try to see perfection in your spouse’s imperfection. Arguments are averted this way and the relationship becomes one of mutual understanding.
• Play Your Roles
Don’t be a passive partner in the relationship. Try to be active and always perform your roles. Sometimes try to assist your partner. This assures them that you are always there to support them.
When both partners are actively involved in the relationship, none of them feels oppressed and cooperation is highly achieved.
• Spend Quality Time Together
Spending quality time with one another allows you to address issues that would have caused a quarrel. Being open to your partner is a good way to gain trust from your partner and it allows your partner to tell you things knowing you won’t judge.
• Give Good Remarks
Try to pay your partner a compliment no matter what. Appreciative remarks and compliments help to brighten a relationship. That you are finally married to your partner doesn’t hinder you from spoiling the person once in a while.
• Buy Each Other Presents
Buy each other presents, take each other out on special dinner, this goes a long way in rekindling a relationship and lighting the once dark relationship. While you do this, try to engage your partner in discussions. This will enable your partner to be more open to you and might surprisingly reveal things he or she would not have said.
• Be Encouraging
Encourage your partner especially when he or she is in low spirits. This strengthens the relationship and makes your spouse see how much you believe in him or her and how much you cherish the person. This encouragement serves as a motivation and lifts the dampened spirits of your spouse.
Long-distance relationships are also very fragile and it takes two people who understand to work things out between them. Try to speak with your partner often and if your partner is getting uncomfortable with how often you call, try to decide on a method that works for you two.
Avoiding complicated relationship problems is highly important for the growth of a relationship. It prevents secrets in relationships and untold truths.
Since we cannot foresee all relationship problems to avoid them early, relationship problems will arise. These problems are there to either make the relationship stronger or to pull the relationship apart. Can relationships get better even amid problems? Relationships can get better; what is mainly required is dedicated time and knowing how to fix relationship issues.
Before you finally decide to give up on your relationship, try these few tips on how to resolve issues with your partner.
How To Resolve Issues With Your Partner
‘A relationship is like a house. When a light bulb burns out you do not go and buy a new house, you fix the light bulb.’- Bernajoy Vaal
Although we know that some relationship problems are normal, some of them are best fixed to avoid long term issues. See most relationship issues as opportunities to strengthen your relationship. See the process of resolving these issues as an avenue to rediscover and truly understand your partner.
• Diagnose The Problem
The first step to fix relationship issues is to get to the root of the matter. Try to find out the actual cause of your problems and seek ways to resolve them amicably. One way of doing this is by communicating or talking with your partner. Diagnose the problem.
‘The best person to talk to about the problems in your relationship is the person you’re in a relationship with’ Anonymous.
• Use The Right Approach
Talking with each other is a common approach to resolving relationship issues. This will help you both decide on things to agree on in a relationship. Yelling at your partner when you see the dirty laundry or when something is not done properly will only aggravate the issue.
Before you decide that you want to talk, make sure you have thought of how to go about it. This makes you organized and prevents you from losing your temper at every slightest thing. Some moments are best to bring up problems in a relationship. It’s one thing bringing up problems in a relationship; it’s another thing knowing how to bring up problems in a relationship.
• Right Timing
Bringing up an issue when both of you are having a heated argument or when your spouse just had a busy day are sure ways of causing further problems in a relationship. While trying to bring up problems in a relationship, be sure to choose the right moment.
This moment requires a lot of quietness, privacy, and attention. You need to be sure that your partner is not distracted at the moment and your partner is in a calm mood.
• Right Word Selection
Use the right words. As much as you are trying to solve a problem, you won’t want your partner to get angry. Try to use soothing words where necessary and do not play the blame game. Accept your own mistakes too and make your partner see reasons why you should work together to build a good relationship calmly.
• Ask The Right Question?
There are some questions to discuss in a relationship that can guide you in getting to the root of the problems. Questions like; what do I do that annoys you the most? What attitude do you think I put up that gets on your nerves?
Do I put you through too much stress? Are there comments I make that you do not like? Are there some of my actions that you find difficult to understand? Do you feel we no longer spend time as usual? Am I no longer attractive to you? Can we stop belittling each other? Why do you seem overly protective of me? Are there past experiences that make you act in certain ways? Are you finding it difficult to break free from your addictions?
• Come Up With Relevant Solution
Give yourselves time to answer these questions and also try to give yourselves time to brood overall you have both discussed. Try to figure out ways that are suitable to you both that can solve the problems.
If it relates to the school runs; according to your schedules, you can decide one person takes the children to school and the other person picks them up from school. Better still, you can choose days that each person would do the school runs.
If it is something you’ll have to live with forever, try to devise means to prevent it from being a problem. Generally take time to think things through and come up with relevant long-lasting solutions to prevent re-occurrences. While having these conversations, try gently, to let your partner know how you feel about some things he or she says or does, how it affects you psychologically and how much you want you both to work on it.
• Never Prove To Be Superior
No matter who is older, do not ever try to prove how much you know or do not make derogatory comments while trying to correct your spouse. This in no way brings about correction.
Try to see good reasons behind some of the actions of your partner. If the problem is related to love-making, agree on certain things such as perfect fun-making position during love making, the method of foreplay that helps to improve the level of satisfaction. Know what turns each other on. If you are still having this issues, no matter how hard you try, visit a therapist to find out the true reasons or to recommend tips for you.
For financial issues, come clean with your financial status and make your partner understand the importance of spending within one’s budget. Try to live within your means and understand the situation of things. Most of all, cooperate with your partner and do it amicably.
• Adapt To The New Normal
Relationships are not always thrilling adventures. You may begin to find your partner or your relationship a bit bland. You may also begin to feel that the person you are in a relationship with is not the person you fell in love with initially. It is best at this stage, to understand this new person and try to grow with the new person rather than trying to bring back the old person. Sometimes, you just need to adapt to the new normal.
Try to establish some form of connection between you two. Spend quality time together to understand this new person. You can also add some spice to your relationship by engaging in fun activities. Solutions like surprising each other from time to time, paying each other compliments, being appreciative of each other, flirting with each other, or going out for special events are ways to rekindle a boring relationship.
‘A strong relationship requires choosing to love each other even in those moments when you struggle to like each other.’-Anonymous
• You Have Flaws Too
You may not like to hear this, but it takes two to tango. You need to realize that you also have flaws that your partner is also trying to tolerate. Accept your spouse for who he or she truly is. Try to find out your flaws and amends where necessary.
Stop nagging and complaining all the time! Try as much as possible to be calm amidst relationship problems. You might be in a relationship with someone who loves to argue often but hates to be proven wrong or someone who doesn’t like confronting issues. To follow such persons, you should map out approaches that will not involve arguments and while trying to state your views, do not make belittling remarks.
• Understand Your Partner’s Love Language and Be Positive
Study your partner to know what makes him happy. It could be simple comments of gratitude or even saying something nice about him or her. Try to also see things from your partner’s perspective. Focus on the good qualities of your spouse and try as much as possible to overlook the parts that seem unresolvable. Do not flare up at the slightest issue. See things from the positive side.
‘At the end of the day, you can either focus on what’s tearing you apart or what’s keeping you together.’-Anonymous
• Make some Jokes
Try to crack jokes and laugh. This helps to ease the tension around you both and gives room for more open conversations. Learn to forgive and try not to dig up old wounds as this may hurt your partner. Forgive and pray for your partner to get better.
This is also a reliving method for not just your partner but for you. It helps you not to bear grudges and gives you a sense of happiness. Always be there for your spouse especially in trying times.
Your partner could be acting strangely due to bitter experience from the past or your spouse could be going through traumas that you do not know of. You can try to save the situation by telling your spouse ‘your problems are my problems’. Let them know that you’ll be beside them through it all. Be very supportive and also try as much as possible not to hold on to resentment.
There is a bitter truth. Do you want to know it? I wish I won’t say this, but the truth is, not everything can be fixed.
Sometimes, a breakup might be the solution to the problems but this usually occurs when you have both tried to make things work between each other but nothing seems to change. A break up gives you both time apart. It may not be forever. It could be a momentary pause from a relationship that gives you time to think if you can still work things out.
If after such time, you eventually realize how much of a nicer person you would have been or you figure out your relationship is worth saving, well then you’re at the right place to finding out how to fix a relationship after a breakup.
How to Fix A Relationship After A Breakup
It may not be easy at first but if both of you work together; your issues would be resolved amicably. Here are some tips on how to fix a relationship after a breakup. Communicate often and try to address issues that led to the breakup.
You can meet quietly with your partner and try to discuss things over. Also, try to notice if the other person is willing to give the relationship a second chance. Don’t be in a haste, try to take things slowly and try out new things to know what works for you two. This will guide you both in trying to avoid future re-occurrences of previous problems.
Relationship strengthening questions and relationship strengthening exercises are also strategic approaches to rebuilding relationships. These exercises are more like commitment strategies and your partner also tries to understand you as much as you try to understand him or her. While trying to fix the relationship, be open this time, and do not take the opinions of your partner for granted.
However, while many relationships are worth saving, some are worth terminating. Walking away from a relationship is not always the option but when you’ve used all your necessary relationship tools and things seem to get worse, you should realize it is time to say goodbye to the relationship.
There are different signs your relationship is beyond repair; No matter what you do, nothing seems to work. You’ve talked to your spouse over time about the problems in the relationship. Most times your spouse resolves to make amends where necessary, some other times, you resolve on a particular pattern to make things work but a few days later, things go back to being rough and no matter how hard you try, all efforts prove futile.
Your relationship could be abusive and you are the one who suffers all the pains. Your peace of mind is very important and whatever doesn’t make you happy but only brings you sadness and depression should be highly jettisoned. When your peace of mind is overly toyed with, it’s best to throw in the towel. End things before they end you. Such relationships are toxic and can be life-threatening to the one who suffers.
‘If you walked away from a toxic, negative, abusive, one-sided, dead-end, low vibration relationship-you won.’-Anonymous
There are moments of ups and downs in a relationship. Relationships require intimate connection and sometimes this connection is lost along the way. Knowing how to fix relationship problems is necessary to make your relationship stronger.
Kindly comment and share this to help some others too who are having issues in their relationship.
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