It is said that love is blind, but are there signs that you should turn a blind eye to in relationships? I know you desire to have a healthy relationship with your partner, and that’s the more reason why you must pay close attention to these signs of immaturity in a relationship. While there may be many signs of an immature person, our focus will be on the 7 deadly signs of an immature man/woman.
According to Oxford Advanced Learner’s dictionary, immaturity entails behaving in a way that is not sensible and is typical of much younger people.
Immaturity may come in various forms, it might be social, sexual, spiritual, emotional etc. However, emotional immaturity seems to be more prominent in romantic relationships. Yeah, you know that behavior that your partner exhibits that makes you cringe and wonder why he/she doesn’t have a hold on his/her emotions at such age.
You are not alone in this line of thought. Society upholds several misconceptions about maturity which includes;
● The older one gets, the more mature he/she becomes.
● Maturity can be equated with one’s exposure and experiences.
● Your maturity in one aspect of life guarantees your maturity in other areas.
● Maturity comes from being married and taking up family responsibility.
● Your Social status in life shows how mature you are.
Sadly, these are misconceptions that are worth dispelling. Maturity has nothing to do with age, one’s experiences or social status.
Immaturity gives way to maturity in one’s life when one yields to discipline and embraces growth in all ramifications. It is worth noting that maturity happens gradually and people become mature at their own pace.
So, the next question should be how do you know if someone is immature?
Well, come with me as I unravel the 7 deadly signs of an immature man/woman.
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Obvious Signs He is Still Immature
The perfect physique, romantic baritone voice, well-trimmed beard and a cute face to die for.
All the above might fit your specification for a partner, but there is more to maturity than these physical attributes. Yeah, emotional maturity is way different from physical maturation.
Is a good thing his physical features fits your spec. However, before committing to a relationship with him, can you please take a deep breath, put on your screening spectacle, and be on the lookout for Signs he is too immature for a relationship.
On the other hand, maybe you are in a relationship with him already and lately, you’ve discovered that his behavior tallies with that of an inexperienced high school student, who can’t tell his right from left.
Daily, he gets you irritated with these behaviors and you are yet to give a name to his outright childishness. Yeah, you are confused on how to tell if he’s immature. Nevertheless, I leave you to decide with these signs he is still immature. Let’s call it the 7 deadly signs of an immature man.
1. He lacks Direction:
A ship gets to its destination when the captain of the ship follows the compass. Without a compass, the captain lacks direction. Moreover, by following any route that comes to his mind, the ship might be headed for a shipwreck.
likewise, an immature man lacks direction. He doesn’t have a compass. Therefore, he acts on whatever comes to his mind, he jumps on every shiny opportunity and he can’t just figure out the direction his life is heading.
He might be crazily in love with your strengths today, then the next minute he sees those strengths as weaknesses. His lack of direction is applicable in every area of his life. Yeah, he finds it hard to complete any task he starts. He might start a degree program today and abandon it to pursue a business venture tomorrow.
2. He does not run out of excuses to give:
His lack of direction makes him give excuses for everything.
He makes excuses for his failure and every flaw of his.
You must have heard him make excuses for not loving you the way he ought to or for standing you up on a date. Yeah, it hurts the most to know that most of his excuses are vague.
2. Your dream scares him:
Yea, he would rather give you a thousand reasons not to fly, than give you the wings to fly.
However, it feels like you’ve been fenced in by his insecurities and your goals and aspirations mean nothing to him.
Time and time again you’ve always thought you were better off before meeting him. A mature man will support your dreams and will also help you become a better version of yourself. On the other hand, an immature man is more concerned about his insecurities than his dreams.
3. He is an egoist:
He is more concerned about his needs and desires. An immature man sees himself as supreme over others. As far as he is concerned, your opinion doesn’t count in the relationship.
Furthermore, whatever discussion you have with him will be centered on him. He can go on and on to talk about his achievements and won’t easily pardon the one that hurts his ego. What’s more? You know so much about him, but he doesn’t even know your full name.
His inability to consider your opinions, feelings and desires is one of the signs he is immature for a relationship.
4. Responsibilities terrify him:
Have you ever wondered why he is not too committed to the relationship? You’ve dated for so long but he is yet to make any serious commitment? like, he barely talks about marriage, family and all the topics intending couples talk about.
If you watch closely, you will notice that he hates being responsible and is also not committed to your relationship with him. This transcends to his personal life. Yeah, he can’t even man up to his responsibilities like washing his dirty clothes, doing dishes or making a meal for himself.
6. He measures his worth with his financial/economic status?
An immature man ties his worth to his financial status. He brings nothing else to the table except his money. He gives no importance to virtues that money cannot buy like love, trust, honesty etc.
He desires wealth and affluence more than these virtues.
Being wealthy is not bad. However, when he has no personal values but rather measures his worth by his financial accomplishments, then you are dealing with an immature man.
7. He doesn’t have a slight idea of his immaturity:
One of the signs of an immature person is his ignorance of his true state. He cannot acknowledge his immaturity when he is ignorant of his condition.
Most immature men think they are more mature than anyone else, even when it is so evident they are immature.
Signs of Immaturity in A Woman/ Lady
A lady was asked by a marriage counselor why she filed for a divorce after two years of marriage.
She replied thus, at the age of 30, I thought I was ready for marriage. Before I clocked 30, I’ve rejected lots of marriage proposals from my suitors.
Simply because in my early twenties I thought I was not mature enough. I believed I was not emotionally ready for a romantic relationship and I waited till I clocked 30.
Fortunately, I got married at 30. I assumed I had everything figured out at the beginning. Had always believed my age would make up for my immaturity.
However, marriage exposed my weakness and it dawned on me that I was never emotionally mature and ready for the journey I embarked on.
An emotionally immature woman doesn’t have to be in her 20s, 30s or even 40s to display her immaturity.
This is because maturity is not measured by one’s age, nor is it measured by one’s physical quality.
That said, here are Signs Of immaturity in a woman.
1. She cannot differentiate between love and infatuation.
An emotionally immature woman can’t tell when she’s in love and when she is infatuated with someone.
Yeah, it seems she is into you today, but once she discovers that what she felt for you was just a passing infatuation, she will lose interest in the relationship. Her loss of interest in you will be accompanied by coldness towards you, divided attention, and unfaithfulness.
Her inability to understand her feelings makes her keep falling in and out of love. More so, her history of unstable relationships does not dissuade her from jumping into another.
2. She will always choose beauty over character.
Lawrence got so worried about the amount of time his girlfriend puts in to have her makeup on.
He teased her by asking her why she spends so much time before the mirror, but won’t put in that amount of time to read some personal development books he got for her.
His girlfriend replied thus,” men are more concerned about a woman’s outward appearance. A woman’s beauty gives the first and lasting impression and not character.
An emotionally immature woman is never bothered about self-development. She gives no thought to virtues that radiate from within, she would rather choose to cover her vices with trending fashion and makeup products.
More so, there is nothing wrong with being conscious of one’s outward appearance. I mean, looking good is good business after all. However, when she places more value on outward beauty than character building, then there is no doubt she’s immature.
3. Her love for you can not stand the test of time.
She doesn’t love unconditionally. She’s a fair-weather lover, who loves when the going is good and favourable to her. However, when the chips are down, you will doubt her loyalty.
She sees life as a bed of roses, she bows easily to life’s pressures. Therefore, she will abandon you when challenges arise in your relationship with her.
4. You cannot tell her what to do.
An emotionally immature woman is wise in her own eyes. She hates instructions and won’t bother seeking your opinion on any issue in her life.
She listens to no one, but will always desire others to listen to her.
An immature woman makes lots of mistakes due to her inability to listen to the opinion of others. Yet, she’s never willing to learn her lessons.
5. She is controlled by her emotions.
One of the signs of an immature person is the inability to manage his/her emotions.
When a woman is immature, her emotions dominate her thoughts and actions. That explains why she will be careless with her words.
Yeah, she will always hurt you with her words at the slightest provocation and she cannot maintain good relationships with others because she’s always at loggerheads with people.
Furthermore, she’s never content with what you give her and will do anything to get whatever she desires.
6. She’s Manipulative:
An emotionally immature woman manipulates with her words and tears. She is never tired of playing the victim, to get your sympathy and attention.
Yeah, she will guilt trip you into doing her bidding without considering your feelings.
An immature woman is always after what she will get from you and not what she will add to your life. So, to satisfy her insatiable desires, she will use her manipulative schemes.
7. Her happiness and self-worth are determined by others.
She sees herself in the eyes of others. An emotionally immature woman depends on others for her happiness and fulfilment.
For this reason, she becomes depressed when she’s criticized, rejected or when having a love life becomes elusive.
She doesn’t know her worth and therefore she allows others to define who she ought to be.
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How To Deal With An Immature Man
Whether it be a sexually immature man or an emotionally immature man, there are various ways of dealing with every form of immaturity in a relationship.
Furthermore, if you’ve just discovered that you are in a relationship with an immature man, then these steps on how to deal with an immature man might interest you.
1. Identify the cause of his immaturity:
The first step in dealing with his immaturity is by getting to know him deeply. By doing that, you will be able to trace the cause of his immature behaviors.
This might be due to his childhood experiences, maybe his parents were overprotective or they emotionally starved him as a child. You never can tell, till you try getting to know him beyond the surface.
Research has shown that 95 per cent of adults with immature behavior had a traumatic childhood.
2. Show genuine interest in his growth:
Having identified the reason for his immature behavior you should take further steps by being genuinely interested in his personal development. You can achieve this by engaging him in a conversation, where you get to listen attentively to him while he does the talking.
More so, you will give him that feeling of importance when you give him your audience and this will, in turn, make him listen to your suggestions and ideas on how he can become better.
You can suggest some personal development books to him, a counselling session or get involved in doing the things he enjoys doing.
3. Do not criticize and complain, rather appreciate his strengths.
Criticizing him or nagging about his shortcomings will only aggravate the situation. Look out for those outstanding qualities that he has( he’s not entirely bad) and praise him for those qualities.
Take time to appreciate the efforts he’s making to become better each day. Fill the atmosphere with positivity by saying kind words to him always.
4. Encourage him to become better by igniting in him an eager desire to change:
In the words of Galileo the father of modern physics…..you cannot teach a man anything, you can only help him to find it within himself.
Trying to forcefully change an immature man will be futile. However, you can try this instead, arouse in him an eager desire to change. You can do this in several ways, but first, you will have to find out what he earnestly desires.
Let’s say he desires a promotion at work, but his immature behavior has also affected his performance at work. You can enroll for leadership training or a conference and encourage him to come with you.
By attending the leadership training or conference, he will meet top leaders in his industry. He will get to know their achievements and the sacrifices they made to attain such a level, and he will be exposed to the possibilities of him achieving or surpassing their achievements when he puts in the work.
This will stir up in him the desire to improve in all ramifications.
Furthermore, if he desires to have a healthy relationship with you but his immature behaviour keeps getting in the way, you can also decide to spend the weekend with someone he holds in high regard may be a relative or a mentor, especially an old couple whose marriage has stood the test of time.
This will help him to understand that being in a relationship with someone is not child play and it takes the conscious efforts of two mature adults to have a healthy relationship. Yeah, he will appreciate the place of love and commitment in a relationship and with this picture in mind, his heart will be stirred up to replicate the same in your relationship.
5. Give Him Time:
Change is a process and it doesn’t happen overnight. Give him time to improve, appreciate every progress you both are making and also take time to applaud yourself for your patience so far.
Nevertheless, having done all these yet it seems your patience with him is not producing any results, you should consider breaking up with him.
Yeah, your sanity and peace of mind remains paramount and should not be tampered with.
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Breaking Up With An Emotionally Immature Man Or Woman
If any of these 7 deadly signs of an immature man/woman resonates with you, then you should have lots of questions on your mind. Questions like; should I continue this relationship with him/her or should I break up with him/her.
Nevertheless, every relationship has its challenges. So, if you feel you can no longer put up with any of these 7 deadly signs of an immature man/woman, then you should consider ending your relationship with him/her.
Having come to that resolution, here are some steps involved in breaking up with an emotionally immature man or woman.
Having had enough of his/her immature behaviors you should take diplomatic steps by discussing with him/her.
Take time to point out his/her strengths that you loved, then clearly tell him/her how his immature behavior has affected you.
In addition, if he/she feels remorseful, and you still desire to help her overcome his/her immature behavior then you should consider the next step.
2. See a professional counselor
Encourage him/her to see a professional counselor. Yeah, you should leave him/her better than you met him/her.
you may have lost interest in the relationship, but for the sake of the love you once shared with him/her, you should not leave him/her devastated.
Show through your words and actions that you value what you both shared and that you are still desirous of his/her growth and happiness.
3. Reach a mutual agreement
You both should come to an agreement that you have to go your separate ways.
With this mutual agreement, end the relationship with him or her. It might be through a phone call, video call, text message or while discussing with him/her in person. Whatever medium you prefer, just choose your words rightly so as not to exacerbate the situation.
4. Take your time and heal
Do not be in a hurry to jump into another relationship. Give yourself time to heal and learn.
Signs of immaturity in a person may not be limited to these 7 deadly signs of immature behaviours in a man/woman.
There are diverse signs of immaturity in adults. Therefore you should be more concerned about how not to raise an immature person that will struggle to adjust to the demands and responsibilities of adulthood.