Love thrives when built on trust. Unfortunately, trust can be broken unintentionally.
Therefore, if trust can be broken, what happens once trust is broken in a relationship?
To be frank, once trust is broken, heart(s) is broken. Yeah. But how do you regain trust in a relationship after lying, cheating, or in whatever way disappointed your partner?
Let’s dive into answers with a short story.
Little ben has been struggling academically since he got enrolled in a new school. However, his dad made a promise to surprise him with a gift, if his grades improve.
He believed his dad’s promise and made a resolution to put in the work needed to have good grades.
By the end of the term, he was among the top three pupils in his class with outstanding results, and his parents got him a Castle toy to encourage him to do more.
This gift he received with so much joy. He valued it so much that he handled it with lots of care.
But, on this fateful day, his friends came over to play with him and he brought out his castle toy, so he can build a castle with his friends.
His friends happily joined him. With great curiosity and patience, they fixed each part, until they built a Castle.
Their joy knew no bounds, as they watched with great admiration the perfect work their little hands accomplished.
Unfortunately, billy the family dog in a bid to share in their joy, ran towards them happily and mistakenly rammed into the castle they’d made. Thereby making a mess of their hard work.
Yeah, the castle came crumbling and the broken pieces were all over the living room.
With a broken heart, he ran to his dad to seek his help. His dad promised to mend what was left of his broken Castle toy. However, little Ben couldn’t help but forgive billy. Regardless, he learned a big lesson, and that is to always keep not just his toys, but all his valuables away from billy.
Trust is of great value in every relationship, and just like little Ben’s castle toy, it takes time to build trust. But, what happens once trust is broken in a relationship? What becomes of your relationship when that action or mistake destroys the trust you’ve built over the years with your cherished partner?
Come with me as we find answers to what happens once trust is broken in a relationship.
Trust Issues Symptoms: 10 Signs of a Relationship With Trust Issues.
In the field of medicine, each sickness comes with its symptoms. For example, some of the symptoms of malaria include fever, headache, fatigue, nausea, etc. Likewise, a relationship with trust issues has its signs and symptoms.
Identifying some of these signs will help you rightly diagnose that what you’re going through in your relationship is truly a trust issue.
On that note, here are 10 Signs of a relationship with trust issues
A relationship with trust issues is an unstable one. Yeah, you heard that right. it goes on and off like party lights. Today you are all over each other and the next day you are on the verge of ending the relationship.
It is worthy of note that a relationship can be likened to a Car; while love is the engine of the car, trust is the lubricant. Therefore, once trust is compromised in a relationship, there will be constant friction, which has the capacity to ground the relationship.
2. Absence of Openness
The secret calls, the private chats, and messages. What’s more? You can’t even tell your partner how you feel or open up to him about your secrets and fears because you are afraid he/she might use it against you in the future.
If you trust someone, you will feel comfortable confiding in him/her. However, it becomes obvious that a relationship has trust issues when the people involved hide almost everything from each other.
3. Constant Doubts and Fear
“Perfect love casts away fear“. But, this love that you feel for each other has made you both a captive of fear. Furthermore, you doubt your love for each other.
Yeah, you feel he/she doesn’t love you enough and you are even afraid that your partner’s next line of action might leave you heartbroken. You constantly question your love for him/her, while he/she also doubts your love for him/her and this has is affecting your commitment to the relationship.
4. Overbearing Attitude
Has your relationship made you a prisoner? Does it look like you’ve lost the freedom to think for yourself, make decisions and build healthy relationships with others?
One of the signs of a relationship with trust issues is the overbearing attitude of one of the two persons involved. This happens when your movement, decisions, relationships with others, dressing, etc, are determined by your partner.
Hypocrisy, or call it pretense, is another symptom of trust issues in a relationship that manifests when both lovebirds hide their true selves from each other. This might be due to the fear of being judged, betrayed, or manipulated.
6. Unhealthy Competition
competition is commendable in a relationship when it’s done to achieve a common goal. Let’s say you can set personal development goals and see who does better between the two of you. This is done to achieve a common goal which is becoming better for each other.
But, there is unhealthy competition in a relationship when the people involved are pursuing different goals that are detrimental to the relationship. They compete in everything to either outdo, or outsmart each other. This is because they do not trust each other to work as a team, due to the fear of being betrayed or intimidated.
You do not compete to get the latest car or the latest sophisticated phones because you want to prove a point to your partner or because you are afraid you will be cheated on by someone that possesses those.
It is a sign of trust issue in your relationship when you and your partner compete so much to prove a point, even when it’s not needed.
7. Absence of True Love
Love and trust are complementary in a relationship. If you truly love your partner, trusting will be natural. One striking sign of a relationship with trust issues is the absence of true love.
The partners involved are in a relationship for what they will gain from each other and not that they are truly in love. Love is faked when the going is good, but when the chips are down, loyalty and trust disappear.
8. Commitment Shy
Jenny is in a romantic relationship with Bob, but bob is bothered that she has not shown enough commitment to the relationship. Jenny doesn’t give him attention and she is always on the defensive side when confronted about her shortcomings.
Although, Jenny desires to show true commitment, but can’t bring herself to do that because of the ugly experiences she’s had in her past relationships. Yea, she is afraid to love truly again. She is afraid to trust again because of the unpleasant memory she has about her past relationships.
Obviously, she is a victim of what happens once trust is broken in a relationship.
I said that to say this: trust issues are manifested when the partners involved are afraid of committing wholly to the relationship because they’ve been hurt in the past and won’t like to experience that again.
9. Pessimism is the order of the day
Just like Jenny, many who have been hurt in their past relationships, always expect and prepare for the worst in their present relationship. They unconsciously expect betrayal and rejection. So, unconsciously, they’ve built a wall of negativity, and selfishness around their hearts so as not to be hurt again.
An insecure feeling will make partners in a relationship suspect and question every action and inactions.
Insecurity is one of the signs of trust issues in a relationship that makes you both guard your territory jealously. Every potential threat to your territory is seen as an enemy and you are willing to put up a fight to secure your territory.
These are signs of a relationship with trust issues.
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How To Save A Relationship Without Trust: Rebuilding Trust In A Relationship
Back to our little Champ. When he discovered his toy was broken, he didn’t waste time crying over spilled milk. He went to his father for a solution and his father gave him one.
You may have seen the aftermath of What happens once trust is broken in a relationship. But, you’ve been wondering if your relationship can be saved. Absolutely, your relationship can be saved.
That’s if you and your partner are not willing to give up on the relationship, but will rather seek the way forward, than dwell on your mistakes.
Nevertheless, if you seek answers on how to save a relationship without trust, that is, you are willing to find ways to mend the broken pieces of your relationship. Well, you have just taken the first step by seeking answers and that is applaudable.
However, here are a few more steps to take and I hope you’ll find them helpful.
• Forgive each other
You have to let go of the past and forgive each other. The hurt and the pain of a broken trust may not go immediately. But, if you are willing to save the relationship, you will have to forgive each other.
• Identify the reason for distrust
What destroyed the trust you had for each other? Is it your weakness, negligence, or past experiences? You can’t find a solution to a problem until the problem is identified. Therefore, identify what caused the mistrust.
Once the problem is identified, if it is something to work on, then do so. However, if it becomes overwhelming for the two of you, do not feel shy to reach out to a therapist or a relationship counselor.
• Engage in activities to rebuild trust in a relationship
Whether it be having an evening walk together, or spending some time together where you open up to each other and talk about simple things like, how your day went, your wins and failures, what you love about each other, etc. Just get talking.
Genuine communication is a major activity to rebuild trust in a relationship. This should be done intentionally and purposefully.
Engaging in activities to rebuild trust in a relationship will help take away the anxiety between you both and helps you to be relaxed around each other.
• Do not give up
Saving a relationship without trust is not a walk in the park. It requires patience, consistency, and commitment.
However, no matter the obstacle that comes your way, do not give up. Rather, keep the end goal in sight; which is to save your relationship. At last, the effort will be worth it.
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How To Regain Someone’s Trust
The heartache, depression, isolation, self-pity, and that guilt, that can’t go away because you’ve lost the trust of someone you love. This could be because you cheated on your partner, lied about something, or whatever.
You are in pain and your love is broken too. Yeah, that is what happens once trust is broken in a relationship, it leaves the parties involved broken too.
Of course, the pain that comes with a broken trust in a relationship hits differently, depending on the individual involved and the casues of the trust issue. While some people may get over it quickly, others may live with the pain all the days of their lives.
But, if your heart still beats for your lover and you desire to find your way back to his/her heart, here is how to regain someone’s trust, especially someone you love.
1. Build Trust In Yourself
How do I build trust in myself, you ask? Firstly, you will have to learn the purpose of trust in every relationship. An old mantra says that when the purpose of a thing is not known, abuse is inevitable.
As earlier mentioned, trust is the foundation upon which love is built. It is the precursor to emotional intimacy and growth. If you are able to understand the purpose of trust in your relationship with your partner, then you will cherish and guard it with everything you’ve got.
Secondly, trust replicates trust. You have to show yourself trustworthy for others to trust you. It won’t hurt to have a little faith in yourself. Yes, be true to who you are and do not live in self-denial and betrayal of who you are.
Take your time to work on your Personality. Yeah, build trust in yourself and also watch out for those things that trigger those actions that made you lose your lover’s trust. It might be those negative thoughts, wrong mindset, temperament, character flaws, etc. Identify them and work on them.
2. Do Not Force It
If you have broken someone’s trust, then you should give the person time to heal.
Do not force your way to his/her heart or try to force a relationship on the person. This will only make you look desperate and that’s a red flag that will create more gap between you two.
Give your partner time to heal from the pains of broken trust. Be patient and while waiting, do not just say you are sorry, also show that you are sorry.
More so, be considerate. Consider the feelings and pains of the one whose trust you’ve broken. Rejection and resentment may come from your partner and that’s the result of how deeply hurt he/she feels. These are part of the things that happen once trust is broken in a relationship.
So, you have to put yourself in his/her shoes; this will help you know how to approach the situation better.
3. Revisit The Foundation Of Your Relationship
Building trust in a relationship can be likened to building a house.
Firstly, you lay the foundation of the house, then you begin to add bricks here and there till you have a complete building.
At the onset of your relationship, there are things that you did that made you gain your partner’s trust. However, now that the trust is broken, won’t it be wise to go back to those things again? Yeah, start doing those things that established trust in your relationship.
4. Learn From Your Mistakes
Once you regain your partner’s trust, do not give room to be mistrusted again. No one is above mistakes, but you must learn from these mistakes. Thus, learn the lessons that you must learn and value this trust you’ve gained.
Related Post: Rebuilding Broken Relationship
Activities To Rebuild Trust In A Relationship
It takes time and commitment to rebuild broken trust. Yeah, Rome was not built in a day, and you definitely can’t rebuild trust in a day.
Nevertheless, can you visualize yourself as a builder, who just built a house that was razed down by a storm? To rebuild this house, you have to map out activities you must engage in daily.
Ready to rebuild? Here is how to fix a relationship after trust is broken, and here are activities to rebuild trust in a relationship.
1. Work As A Team
No builder builds alone, he engages the hands of fellow builders. Likewise, to rebuild trust in a relationship, you and your partner must work as a team.
Teamwork makes the work easier and worthwhile.
However, you must stop every blame game and channel your energy towards rebuilding trust.
Stop reminding each other about the past, but rather remind yourselves that you both suffered lots of pain from what happened.
Furthermore, you can make out time to go on a date together or an evening walk, where you get to discuss the way forward in your relationship.
2. Reassure Your Love For Each Other Daily
Make it a duty to always express your love for each other. Make eye contact to reassure what you feel for your partner. Lock yourselves in your arms and just listen to your heartbeats. This helps to reduce the tension between you two and builds emotional intimacy.
3. Practice Openness With Your Partner
Being honest and not too secretive with your partner is vital in rebuilding trust in your relationship. Besides, being honest with your spouse doesn’t cost much. You can start with exchanging your phones for a day or some hours or telling your partner about your secrets and challenges.
Just be more opened to him or her.
4. Learn To Be Trustworthy Even With The Least Of Things
Yea, be that confidant that won’t tell the secrets you both shared to outsiders. If you plan to go on a date together, always keep to time and do not keep your partner waiting. Show great responsibility with every task entrusted to you; which may be helping your partner make some financial transactions, or saving some money on his/her behalf.
Also, be a person of your word. Make promises that you can keep, and if you can’t keep a promise made, do not hesitate to inform your partner. This shows that you value your partner’s trust.
5 . Always Give A Listening Ear
Learn to listen to your partner’s fears, complaints, or success stories. Do not become too busy with your phone or with work that you ignore each other.
Always create an atmosphere that makes communication easy for you both. Yeah, sometimes, keep the phones, computers, or workloads away and have meaningful discussions.
Once Trust is Broken Quotes
Broken trust in a relationship leaves the victims shattered and downcast. It makes one question his/her self-worth and asks questions like am I not good enough? Are my love and dedication not enough? and where did I get it wrong?
I thought to include these, “Once trust is broken quotes, knowing it will inspire you in more ways; either to get out of your pains or to fix the trust issues on in your relationship.
1. The heart is broken because it’s not told who to love. But, who will tell the heart how to heal from broken trust.
2. Trusting someone is not a show of weakness, rather it takes great courage to trust.
3. We may not all be great artists, but our actions leave an indelible mark on the hearts of those we love.
4. The tears of one whose trust is broken, carry thousands of questions which the mouth can not utter.
5. Loving too much, trusting too much and the bad news is that; too much of everything is not good for the soul.
6. In life, we win sometimes and lose other times. Whether we are winning or losing, there are lessons to be learned.
7. A good heart won’t be valued by everyone, but that should not reduce its goodness.
8. Trust is like a flower that must be nurtured, and when it’s not nurtured, it fades away.
9. People make mistakes. However, only a few learn from their mistakes.
10. It takes years to build trust, but it takes just a day to destroy it.
11. A lying tongue cannot be trusted, no matter how good the words are painted.
Finally, I know you’ve been wondering why the story of a child, his dog, and his cherished toy would be used to explain the place of trust in relationships. After all, children do not know jack about relationships.
Yeah, children may be ignorant about romantic relationships. Yet, it takes the heart of a child to love, trust and forgive.
One trust is broken in a relationship, the relationship suffers until intentional steps are taken to restore, rebuild and earn trust again.
That been said, what other lessons did you learn from the protagonist of the story ” little Ben”?