Research has shown that there are a thousand thoughts that go on in the human mind daily. Some people have built a world of fantasies in their minds that negates their realities and this leads us to this very question: when does fantasizing become unhealthy?
Nature has blessed us with a variety of foods and it’s also natural to have a favorite food amidst the variety of foods at your disposal. However, excessive consumption of a favorite food might become unhealthy in the long run.
Likewise, some of our actions as humans might seem harmless initially, but when it’s done in excess it becomes unhealthy.
Yeah, it’s natural to fantasize, daydream, build castles in the air, allow your imaginations to run wild, or whatever name you may choose to call it, but when does fantasizing become unhealthy?
I’m certain that’s the very question going through your mind right now, and that’s why you are reading this. Well, come with me as we discover answers to this very question: when does fantasizing become unhealthy?
Fantasizing About Someone Meaning And Implications
Danielle comes from a broken home. As a child, she was denied love and attention by both parents. This shattered her self-esteem as a young adult because she was always seeking validation from others.
Her poor self-image kept her withdrawn from others and while in her prime as a woman, she had no social life.
In the absence of social life, she built a world of fantasy in her mind. She fantasized about her love life. That is, she built a mental picture of the kind of man she would love to have in her life; a tall, handsome, romantic, and intelligent young man, who would spoil her with love and attention.
However, in reality, she thinks she’s not deserving of that kind of man and would settle for any man that comes her way.
On her 30th birthday, Greg, a friend she met online proposed to her after they both dated for 6 months. Greg was not her Spec, she’s already painted a picture of the kind of man she wanted in her life.
Regardless, she said yes to his proposal.
A year after her marriage, she met a coursemate at a charity event. She has always fantasized about him while in college because he possessed everything she envisaged about the man of her dreams. Nevertheless, she was too shy to socialize with others while in college.
They both exchanged contacts at the event and kept the communication going from there.
On a fateful day, her newfound friend admitted he has always loved her from college days, but she always kept her distance from others and that discouraged him from establishing a relationship with her.
The reality of this came as a surprise to her, and she was caught between giving up on her marriage and living out her fantasy or clinging to her husband and comforting herself with her fantasies about her dream man.
The above story is the narrative for some people who are married or are in a relationship. It also pinpoints what fantasizing about someone entails and its implications.
More so, fantasies hold different meanings to different people. To some, it’s what they do to escape from their present reality, while others see it as just wishful thinking.
Merriam-Webster defines fantasy as the power or process of creating especially unrealistic or improbable mental images in response to psychological needs.
While there may be numerous examples of fantasies, the most common among single and married adults is sexual fantasy. Yeah, some of the questions that bother them concerning this issue include; is it harmful to fantasize? is it healthy to sexually fantasize? What does it mean to fantasize too much? How to not fantasize about someone etc.
So, whether you’re married but fantasize about your ex or you’re fantasizing about someone you just met, fantasizing about someone implies that;
● You are not straightforward about your needs, but you’ll rather wallow in your world of fantasies.
● Dissatisfaction depicts your present reality. fantasizing about someone shows that you’re not satisfied with your spouse or lover.
● You have a need that might be emotional, sexual, or physical which cannot be met in reality.
● Therefore, you are painting a picture of what you truly desire or what you want to experience.
Related Post: Unhealthy Flirting When Married
Is Fantasizing A Sin?
The world is filled with several pictures and information that we are exposed to daily.
Yeah, daily we come across movies, pictures, news, messages, etc that influence our thought process.
As a result of this, our mind becomes a battlefield of different thoughts, which a lot of people struggle to control. Fantasizing about someone is just one of those thoughts that are created by us due to a piece of information or a picture we were exposed to.
More so, being a Christian who is married or in a relationship doesn’t stop you from having different sexual thoughts about the opposite sex. I mean, man is insatiable by nature.
There will always be a trait or a feature that you will love and desire in the opposite sex despite being a Christian who is married or in a relationship.
However, what you make of these thoughts is what makes them a Sin. A Bible reference that gives credence to this is James 1:14-15 which says, but each person is tempted when they are dragged away by their own evil desire and enticed. 15- Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to Sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death.
Humans are naturally driven by desires, which are a product of an array of thoughts that goes on in the human mind. Nonetheless, according to James 1:14-15, when we allow this desire to entice us by acting on it, it becomes a sin.
Fantasizing about someone you admire is not a sin. Fantasizing becomes a sin when you act on your fantasies at the expense of your relationship with God, with yourself, and with others.
Related Post: Is My Crush Thinking About Me Too?
When Does Fantasizing Become Unhealthy
How do you know that someone is unhealthy?
I bet you don’t need Sherlock Holmes to know that one who is sneezing continuously might have a cold and flu or a health challenge.
This is because several known symptoms characterize ill health such as typhoid fever, covid, or malaria.
Yeah, for one to be unhealthy, there are several symptoms he/she must have shown to be termed unhealthy. These symptoms which might be mild or severe do not change the fact that he/she is unhealthy.
In the same vein, an unhealthy fantasy is characterized by several symptoms, which may be overt or covert.
This leads us to the question; when does fantasizing become unhealthy?
Fantasizing about someone has become unhealthy when it’s accompanied by the following symptoms;
1. When you become more engulfed in your fantasies at the expense of your reality and real relationships:
Fantasizing becomes unhealthy when your fantasies distance you from your partner or the people in your life. Unhealthy fantasies will create more vacuum in your relationships.
Also, Fantasizing entails that you have an unmet need in your reality. Hence, it becomes unhealthy when you become so consumed in these unmet needs that you fail to realize or appreciate your needs which have been met by your partner.
2. Unhealthy fantasies are also driven by a life of comparisons: Fantasies are imaginary thoughts and are way different from reality. Therefore, fantasizing has become unhealthy when you start comparing the pictures in your mind to your present reality.
Let’s say you have fantasies about being with a favorite celebrity, who has broad shoulders and a cute face.
However, in reality, your partner might not be as cute as the person in your fantasies. It would be safe to say that you’ve gone overboard with your fantasies when you constantly compare your partner with the mental picture you have created.
3. An unhealthy fantasy is characterized by unproductivity:
Yeah, fantasizing about someone has become unhealthy when you spend so much time fantasizing and neglect other productive activities that you should engage in.
4. An unhealthy fantasy is accompanied by an obsessive habit and a lack of self-control: Fantasizing about someone has become unhealthy when your fantasy becomes your obsession. That is, your fantasies influence the way you act, talk or relate with others.
5. Fantasizing about someone has become unhealthy when it jeopardizes your health:
If you often find yourself daydreaming when you should be sleeping, eating, or engaging in any other healthy habits, then it entails that you have gone extreme with this act.
Some people will stay up all night fantasizing about a crush, an ex, or a lover to the detriment of their health. They often wake up the next day with a severe headache, general body weakness, and a depressing feeling.
These are serious health issues that can lead to sudden death or poor mental health.
Related Post: Obvious Signs He Wants You
Why Do I Think About Him So Much?
You are lost in thoughts again! You’ve tried so hard to focus on the things that matter, yet your heart keeps drifting away into more thoughts about him.
Why does it have to be him? Why are my thoughts always centered on him? you ask.
It’s natural to think about a crush, your ex, or your partner, especially when you feel something special for him. Nevertheless, if you think about him when you wake up, when you’re eating, while driving, or even before you go to bed, then it feels right to ask this question ‘ why do I think about him so much?
There may be a lot of reasons why you are thinking about him so much. However, here are some of the reasons that may be responsible for this;
1. You’re attracted to him:
when you are attracted to someone, you just can’t help but think about him often. Every bit of his personality gives you something to think about. This might be the way he smiles, his physique, intelligence, or carriage.
Oftentimes, you can’t seem to wrap your head around why you have a perfect picture of him in your mind, this is because your attraction for him makes you take notice of every detail of him. Yeah, you can discern his voice amid a crowd and can perceive the fragrance of his cologne from miles away.
2. He’s giving you the green light:
He keeps staring into your eyes romantically. He’s been so caring and loving towards you. Regardless, he is yet to make his intentions known to you. Your constant thoughts about him might be you trying to figure out his true intentions.
He may not be blunt about his feelings, but he is giving you a lot to think about as regards his intentions.
So, you are thinking about him so much, because he has filled your mind with a lot to think about him.
3. He’s always in your Face:
Out of sight is out of mind, they say! Contrary to this statement, he is always in your face. You see him everywhere, in your neighborhood, at a social gathering, and also you keep receiving notifications about his recent activities on social media.
You will always have something to think about an ex, a crush, or a friend that you always come in contact with.
4. He brings back memories:
There is something about him that you can’t seem to lay your hands on. His voice reminds you of someone you had chemistry with in the past, his smiles leave you wondering if you’ve met him somewhere before, and everything about him arouses more curiosity in you. Your mind is curious about him and that’s why you keep thinking about him.
5. A lot is going on in your life:
It’s normal to always think about the lovely memories you had with a loved one in the past, especially when you both must have gone your separate ways.
Traumatic experiences like a breakup, divorce, or separation can make one lonely and depressed. Therefore, you’ll find yourself lost in thoughts about the good times you had with him in the past. Yes, thinking about him often is a comforting experience that helps you to deal with the heartache and pains you may be battling with.
Related Post: Signs God Is Leading You To The Person You Should Marry?
How To Stop Fantasizing About Someone
There are lots of desires that we possess as humans, which are beyond our control. Some of these desires include the desire to sleep, sneeze, eat or drink water.
One who is feeling sleepy will doze off at the slightest opportunity because he just can’t control the urge to sleep. Likewise, one who is in dire need of water can’t control his desire for water, till his thirst is quenched.
Similarly, the human mind is a bedrock of several thoughts and fantasies, that is not always within our control.
As you may know, fantasies are imaginations that you create in your mind. You hold on to these fantasies because these imaginations make you feel good and happy.
Therefore, because of the ‘feel good feeling,’ these fantasies give you, it becomes so difficult to let go.
Yeah I know, despite these “feel good feelings” it gives you, you’re worried about the fact that you’ve gone overboard with it and you desperately want to put a stop to these fantasies.
More so, It takes time, effort, and mental energy to fantasize about someone. Therefore, it can’t be stopped abruptly.
It will also take time, patience, and discipline to stop fantasizing about someone.
So, if you’re wondering how to stop fantasizing about someone, then you may find these few tips helpful on your journey to overcoming those overwhelming fantasies.
1. Accept your Situation: it’s a good thing you’ve already realized that you’re fantasizing about someone. I mean, that’s why you are wondering how to stop fantasizing about someone.
Furthermore, you must also accept the fact that you are the creator of these fantasies, and it lies solely in your hands to put a stop to them.
Friends, families, or even professionals may offer their helpful advice, but without your efforts and discipline, all their help and support would be unproductive.
2. Identify the Source of Your Constant Fantasies: how to stop fantasizing about someone shouldn’t be your only concern, you should also be concerned about how it starts. Yeah, what ignites these fantasies? Are you always on the lookout for his/her posts and chats on social media? Are you always around him/her? Or do you always talk about him/her?
Identifying the actions and inactions that ignite your fantasies about someone will help you to avoid them, thereby minimizing the way you think about the person in question.
3. Focus on his/her character flaws: You are fantasizing about this very person because there is something about him or her that tickles your fancy. It might be his voice, looks, brilliance, or material possession.
To break away from the grip of your continuous fantasies about him/her, your focus should be shifted to those things about him/her that make you cringe.
We all have our character flaws(all that glitters ain’t gold), and these flaws of his or hers are what you should focus on.
4. Get more engaged with other activities: It is not enough to identify the source of your fantasies and avoid them. It’s also expedient to occupy your mind with other meaningful activities like reading a book, watching educational movies, or even learning a new skill.
The more you occupy your mind with other activities that interest you, the less you’ll be fantasizing about someone.
5. Practise Self love: Fantasizing about someone entails that you are thinking more about the attractive features of someone else.
It implies entrusting your happiness in the hands of another. Yeah, you depend on the mental pictures you have of him/her to feel good about yourself or your relationship.
Therefore, channel your attention to yourself( this may sound selfish, but in this context it’s self-love). Fantasize about your goals and aspirations, and cultivate the habit of creating mental pictures of you and all you will love to accomplish in years to come.
Get busy with activities that will help you actualize these mental pictures you’ve created in your mind.
6. Seek professional help: Seek the help of a counselor or a therapist if it gets too overwhelming for you.
He/she will offer professional help that will go a long way in helping you overcome your challenge.
Also, you can talk to a friend, mentor, or colleague about your struggles. You may find the answers you seek in the multitude of their counsel.
7. Do not be too hard on yourself: It may take days, months, or even year’s to stop fantasizing about your ex or your crush. While you are doing everything possible to stop this act, it is advisable not to be too hard on yourself. Fantasizing about someone is not peculiar to you alone, it happens to a good number of sane people around the globe. Therefore, do not give room for self-guilt or any depressing thought.
8. Celebrate your Progress: Take a moment to inhale and exhale! Ponder on how far you’ve come on this journey of overcoming your overwhelming fantasies.
Celebrate every step you’ve taken to achieve this and look forward to achieving greater results in the future. Also, you can document your journey by putting your emotions, struggles, victories, failures, etc into writing. This will keep you motivated and focused.
There is no gainsaying the fact that fantasizing about someone is a natural act that humans indulge in to evade the realities of life.
Sadly, no matter how long we may choose to hold on to our fantasies, our realities will keep staring at us.
What are these realities? They are the people in your life, those who truly love you and those that would love to love you.
Therefore, do not allow your world of fantasies to hinder you from recognizing these realities in your life or distance you from your realities.