Marriage can be the best thing that has ever happened to you, especially when you’re married to your soul mate, your knight in shining armor, or your prince charming.
Regardless, inappropriate flirting when married happens when you’re carried away by the admirable qualities of the opposite sex.
Yea, marriage is not a blindfold that hinders you from noticing admirable features in the opposite sex.
There will always be that man or woman who is not your spouse, that you will either admire the way he/she talks, his/her looks, his/her smile, intelligence, or courteousness.
This can make you flirt with the opposite sex at one point in your life, even without recognizing that you’re flirting or you’re at the receiving end. This might be the reason why you’ve always asked yourself ‘why do I flirt even though I’m married?.
What is inappropriate flirting when married? Wikipedia defines flirting as a social and sexual behavior involving spoken or written communication, as well as body language, by one person to another, either to suggest interest in a deeper relationship with the other person or if done playfully, for amusement. This can also be referred to as micro-cheating.
This shows that flirting is prompted by an action of the initiator, and it is also a two-way communication that involves the initiator and the other person at the receiving end.
These flirtatious behaviors become inappropriate when it goes beyond the boundaries set in your marriage.
More so, while complimenting the opposite sex in public might be acceptable in one marriage, it might be an abomination in another marriage.
Inappropriate flirting when married therefore depends on the boundaries you’ve set in your Marriage.
These boundaries when exceeded in your relationship with the opposite sex will be termed inappropriate.
However, while there may be many harmless flirting examples like a simple compliment, or bantering, it becomes unacceptable when it goes beyond your set boundaries in marriage.
Inappropriate flirting when married can destroy your relationship with your spouse.
This is because flirting in marriage or flirting while in a relationship is highly disrespectful and doesn’t always end well.
Perhaps, You’re reading this because you also want to know what is inappropriate flirting when married or the dangers it holds for your marriage, that’s why the rest of this article will be addressing all these and more.
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What Is Inappropriate Flirting When Married?
“To have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part. I will love and honor you all the days of my life”.
Do the above words sound familiar? Regardless of your religion, you made similar vows to your spouse on the day you both got married.
By the virtue of these vows, there are some behaviors or actions of yours that your spouse and society will frown at. Some of which include, partying all night, indecent dressing, communicating with your ex, etc.
This is because being married puts lots of restrictions on your actions and behaviors, and that includes flirting with the opposite sex.
So, what is inappropriate flirting when married?
I would say inappropriate flirting when married is a social or sexual behavior exhibited while relating to the opposite sex, which always provokes a negative reaction from your spouse.
Do you want to know what is inappropriate flirting when married? then you should be on the lookout for your spouse’s reaction to that conversation, compliment, call, or text.
If your spouse reacts negatively to that conversation or calls with the opposite sex, then is inappropriate and unacceptable to your spouse.
On the other hand, if your spouse doesn’t frown at these behaviors, then they are acceptable to him/her.
Flirting in marriage will be termed inappropriate, depending on the reaction of your spouse to your flirtatious behaviors.
That said, you should be conscious of the boundaries set within your marriage so that a harmless flirt won’t cross the line and become unhealthy for your marriage.
Also, your spouse may decide to be indifferent or turn a blind eye to your flirtatious act or behaviors, because he/she trusts your judgment while relating with the opposite sex.
Therefore, this trust should not be taken for granted and you should not wait for him/her to react before you know that a harmless flirt has become unhealthy for you and your spouse.
That will lead us to the next question;
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When Does Flirting Cross The Line?
As stated earlier, couples set boundaries in their marriage.
What might be acceptable in one marriage, might be abominable in another marriage.
Nevertheless, every flirtatious behavior or act should not exceed these set boundaries, as this might spell doom for your marriage.
Sometimes, a flirt might appear so harmless that you become oblivious of the signs flirting is progressing to more.
So, when does flirting cross the line?
There is a flirting red flag when:
1. Your emotional needs are being satisfied by your flirtatious behavior:
when it seems you’ve developed an emotional attachment to that person you are flirting with, then it has crossed the line.
Whenever you don’t talk with him/her or get to see him/her, it seems there is an emotional void that only him/her can satisfy. This shows that it has gotten out of hand and must be curtailed immediately.
More so, you will be cheating on your spouse emotionally if you choose to continue with this act.
2. You find yourself thinking more about him/her than your spouse:
You are always thinking about your last chat with him/her, the way he/she held your hands the last time you both met, or how sweet his/her voice sounded over the phone.
When you find yourself always lost in thoughts about your last contact with him/her, then you do not need a soothsayer to tell you that it has crossed the line.
3. Guilt overtakes you:
Those secret calls, chats, meetings, etc make you feel guilty and uneasy, yet it is so difficult for you to tell your spouse about them.
You feel your heart in your mouth whenever your spouse gets hold of your phone or asks about your whereabouts.
It feels your life is becoming more secretive and this makes you feel more guilty about your actions.
This is a flirting red flag, and you just have to draw the line before it leads to something more severe like cheating on your spouse.
4. You keep having sexual fantasies about the person you’re flirting with;
As a teenager, spinster, or a bachelor, you must have had several fantasies about a crush.
However, in marriage having sexual fantasies about the person you’re flirting with is unacceptable.
One of the signs flirting is progressing to more is when you keep having fantasies about the person you’re flirting with, fantasies like how good he/she will be in bed, how good it will feel to have his/her arms around your body or how soft his/her lips will feel when locked in yours.
Furthermore, you keep comparing your spouse’s physical features with that of your flirting partner and for this reason, your spouse’s defects become irritable to you.
At this point, it is not just harmless flirting but has crossed the line.
5. You can no longer say no:
Those calls, conversations, chats, and advances have become so irresistible that you can no longer say no.
You’ve also normalized chatting or being on a call with the person you’re flirting with till odd hours.
More so, he/she freely touches your sensitive parts without getting any negative reaction from you, and you also feel comfortable discussing your sex life with him/her.
Your inability to resist those flirtatious acts or behaviors might be misinterpreted by the other person you’re flirting with, he/she might assume that you’re leading him on or might be interested in him sexually.
This is a flirting red flag and the situation requires you to muster enough courage to say no.
6. It becomes suspicious:
Flirting has crossed the line when your spouse starts suspecting your flirtatious behaviors.
Flirting has gotten out of hand when you keep having arguments and disagreements with your spouse over your flirtatious behaviors.
This is where you have to draw the line, to maintain the peace in your home.
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Flirting While In A Relationship Is Highly Disrespectful
As we dig more into what is inappropriate flirting when married? let’s follow this short story.
Mr. Richard attended an end-of-the-year party organized by his company. He went with his beautiful wife, so she can meet some of his colleagues at work.
While exchanging pleasantries with some of his colleagues, Mr. Peter, the company’s P.R.O, who is notorious for flirting with women, unpleasantly held his wife’s hand.
Mr. Richard grimaced at him and told him to let go of the wife’s hand.
He did let go of his wife’s hands but just couldn’t get his eyes off his wife throughout the party.
His wife, on the other hand, seemed to enjoy the attention she was getting from Mr. Peter, as she was exchanging eye contact with him.
She went as far as sharing the dance floor with Mr. Peter and her husband felt disrespected by this action of hers.
Her husband became furious and could not hold his anger anymore.
He walked up to Mr. Peter, his colleague, gave him a heavy blow on the face, and left the party without his wife.
Can you also relate to the above story, have you ever flirted with someone intentionally or unintentionally who made your spouse feel displeased?
While some people will choose to express their displeasure by either exchanging words with their spouse, engaging in a fight with their spouse, or with the person flirting with their spouse, others may choose to keep mum and hold a grudge against their spouse.
Regardless of the channel your spouse may choose to express his displeasure, it shows that flirting while in a relationship is highly disrespectful and below are some of the reasons;
1. It shows that you have no respect for his/her feelings:
Drinking with that friend, chatting, or calling him/her might be okay, till your spouse reacts negatively to it.
If your spouse complains about your flirtatious behavior with that man or woman, and you choose not to stop, but continue with it.
It shows that you have no respect for your spouse’s feelings.
2. You have no regard for his trust in you:
A relationship thrives on mutual trust. Your spouse trusts you enough not to hurt him or take his/her love for granted.
However, flirting with someone that is not your partner depicts a disregard for the trust he/she has in you.
It also shows a lack of trust in the love he/she has for you.
3. You have no respect for the vows/promises you made to your spouse:
While dating your partner, you must have made promises to him/her to love and always protect his interest.
Flirting with someone else indicates that you are not a person of your word and you have no regard for the promises you made to your partner.
As a married couple, you must have made vows to each other on the day you got married.
Vows such as honoring each other all the days of your lives.
There is no honor in flirting with someone that is not your partner, it is a grave dishonor to your spouse.
4. You have no respect for yourself:
A flirtatious behavior indicates an absence of self-respect and self-love.
A flirtatious behavior says a lot about your need to be validated by others.
Research has shown that 80% of people who engage in a flirtatious act struggle with low self-esteem and therefore long for attention and validation from others.
5. Is a way of telling your spouse that he/she is not enough :
Is flirting disrespectful to your partner? I would say yes because by flirting with someone that isn’t your spouse, you are telling your spouse that you are not satisfied with his/her love.
You are telling your partner that he is not man enough or that she is not woman enough to meet your emotional needs.
More so, nobody will feel respected by the fact that his /her partner is not satisfied with him/her, but seeks satisfaction from someone else.
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How To Tell If Your Husband Is Flirting With Another Woman
Most women can tell their husband’s favorite color, food, or hobby, but when it comes to recognizing signs that their husband is flirting with another woman, they just can’t seem to figure it all out.
Furthermore, some men are so smart in covering up any traces of their flirtatious behaviors, that their wives find it so hard to doubt their faithfulness.
That said, here’s how to tell if your husband is flirting with another woman.
1. Lying becomes a hobby:
One of the signs of a flirting husband is the way he lies often. Especially when he’s caught flirting with another woman, he’s always ready to tell lots of lies to justify his actions.
Let’s say, when you suspect he’s flirting with another woman on social media, he can come up with lines such as; “she is just a friend” or “I’m just helping her out with a challenge”.
2. He will barely have time for you:
Your husband is flirting with another woman when you discover he hardly has time for you.
When it’s obvious he’s not occupied with work, neither is he having any personal challenges, yet he hardly spends time with you or with the kids.
This can only mean that someone else has his time.
Yeah, He’s probably spending hours on the phone flirting with another woman.
The calls, chats, and discussions don’t seem to end, even till the odd hours of the night.
3. He will start being forgetful:
A man who flirts with another woman always forgets important details about the wife or important information the wife tells him.
His mind is so occupied with his flirtatious adventures that he rarely pays attention to his wife, even when an important issue is being discussed with him.
He will forget the wife’s special day like her birthday, might even forget to pick the kids up from school, or run an errand that he previously did effortlessly.
4. Anxiety overtakes him:
Another clear indicator that your husband is flirting with another woman is how anxious he gets whenever you ask him for his phone or ask about his whereabouts.
Also, the guilt of flirting with another woman that is not his wife will make him anxious and restless at all times.
Probably, you will discover he barely looks you in the eye while talking to you and he also utters the word ‘I love you” with stammering lips.
5. He easily gets upset:
A flirting husband will always get upset when he’s confronted about his flirtatious behaviors.
He will suddenly become defensive and angry, whenever you bring up issues regarding the hours he spends on the phone or the way he looked at a woman the last time you went out with him.
It is said that a clear conscience fears no accusation, therefore his angry reaction to your suspicions shows that he’s up to no good.
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Married Woman Flirting Signs
Men have been stereotyped to engage in more flirtatious acts than women. On the flip side, women are more involved in flirtatious acts.
This is because women naturally love to be admired and given attention.
For some women, they will damn every consequence, so far as this need is met.
Regardless of their marital status, some women are willing to flirt with any man that will give them the attention they long for.
So, if you’ve been suspecting your spouse’s flirtatious behavior, yet you do not know what to make of it, here are some married woman flirting signs to help you ascertain your suspicions.
1. She is often self-conscious:
One of the signs a woman is flirting with another man is her consciousness of the way she looks, the way she talks or walks in public.
It’s acceptable when a woman is mindful of her looks or the perception of others about her, but when she goes overboard with this, it is an indicator that she’s flirting with another man.
2. She will lose interest in sexual activities:
Your sexual life as a couple will start being boring. She rarely initiates sex and acts so uninterested whenever you initiate any.
This is because her flirting partner probably catches her fancy sexually and this wanes her sexual desire for you.
3. Daydreaming becomes her lifestyle:
Another married woman flirting sign is the way she daydreams often.
By this I mean, She talks to herself often, she smiles often to herself and she’s always lost in thought.
I know you are thinking she’s losing it (no she’s not), she is possibly thinking about how special her flirting partner made her feel with his words or actions or how attractive he is.
4. She will guard her phone jealously:
Her phone becomes out of bounds because she is hiding something.
You will also find out that she changes her phone password often, to deny you access to what she’s hiding.
More so, she carries her phone with her wherever she goes and tends to spend more time on social media platforms.
5. She constantly loves to be being left alone:
You must have been wondering why she shows little or no interest in your discussions with her.
You keep asking yourself; ” am I boring” or ” is she holding a grudge against me”?
The truth is; you are not boring and she is also not holding any grudge against you, but she just wants to be left alone, so she can devote her attention and time to her flirtatious activities.
One of the signs a woman is flirting with another man is her isolation from her spouse, it just feels like she’s emotionally detached from you.
When a man or a woman flirts with someone that is not his/her spouse, it shows he/she has a void(which can be emotional, sexual, or social) that the spouse has failed to fill.
Therefore, you should not only be concerned about what is inappropriate flirting when married, but you as a husband or a wife should also be interested in the appropriate behaviors and attitudes towards your duty and commitment to your spouse.