There are several proven signs a guy is using you emotionally. These signs are not so difficult to identify, they are just almost always ignored.
A man in love will do whatever it takes to show you how much you mean to him and show his love and appreciation.
Greg Behrendt, an American author puts it this way – ‘If a guy truly likes you but for personal reasons he needs to take things slow, he will let you know that immediately. He won’t keep you guessing because he’ll want to make sure you don’t get frustrated and go away.’
When you like the guy you are dating, you may likely miss certain ‘red flags’ due to the initial rush of romance. However, you then find yourself constantly in a state of worry and can’t seem to shake off the thought that something feels off. Well, worry no more because, in this concluding part of this article, we will be showing you how to know if a guy is using you or not. Let’s go!
Obvious Signs A Guy Is Using You Emotionally
People go into relationships for different reasons.
It might be for companionship, to fill a void, to satisfy their sexual desires, or just for fun.
However, the intentions of men in relationships can be known on the get-go, while for others, it may take some time to see their true intentions.
Yeah, there are glaring signs that show their true intentions( that is whether he is using you or likes you). So, here are 10 sad signs he just wants to sleep with you. Oh, no. 11 tips on how to know if a guy is using you or truly wants to marry you.
Regardless, you will know that he is using you if;
• He knows exactly what to say
You may find this kind of hard to believe, but, the fact that he does everything right could be one of the signs a guy is using you emotionally. From the first date, he was spot on.
He made himself vulnerable and got personal, slightly personal…
You’re used to having guys nervous on the first date but his confidence just swept you off your feet…
He compliments you with just the right words and he’s perfect…
A little too perfect.
He knows exactly what to say and exactly when to say it. It’s like he’s had it all rehearsed even before he met you and has probably said the same things to a bunch of women.
If you have this thought, then he most likely has. Just watch out for other signs to be sure before you make a decision.
• He closes himself off and does not open up
If a man isn’t really into you, he won’t want to get deeply personal. He talks to you about sports and politics but avoids discussions that are more meaningful and personal.
You may decide to give him the benefit of the doubt and assume that he’s shy. But, as time goes on, you’ll find out that you barely know anything about his plans, friends, colleagues, family, or his life in general.
He doesn’t act like he wants to share any major information with you and even when you ask him, he likely gives you an excuse or might even become angry or upset, but he won’t tell you why.
Don’t sweep that under the carpet, that’s one of the often-ignored signs a guy is using you emotionally.
• You have not met his friends
Do you know his acquaintances and friends? Have you ever seen or met them? If your answer is yes, then cheers, because it is a really good sign that he is serious about you and probably wants a future with you.
But, if you have been together for a couple of months, and somehow, he’s still yet to introduce you to his circle of friends, and you know next to nothing about his personal life, then, it’s a major red flag. You may be seeing one of the signs a guy is using you emotionally.
• You just know it
Ladies, you know what I mean. We could go on and on about all the signs, with you ticking and analyzing them. However, the fact remains that, in your gut, you know the truth. You know exactly where the relationship is heading and you know exactly what his motives are.
If you think that a guy is probably using you, then he’s most likely using you.
• He always finds a way to blame you
When every little misunderstanding turns into a blame game, that’s a red flag. He never accepts his faults even when he is in the wrong. It is exhausting. In a flourishing intimate relationship, both partners try to find a solution to the problem instead of passing blames and pointing accusing fingers. If he tries to win every argument, he’s most likely not the one for you.
• He does not care about your ambitions
One of the most crucial ingredients to making a relationship work is to share similar values. If he doesn’t consider you and your dreams and seems to care only about himself- want he wants and what he wants to achieve, then he is using you. You’ll just end up feeling frustrated and stagnated and your relationship will start to feel toxic.
• You only see him when he needs you
Relationships are not always rosy but being there for each other during the highs and lows is solid proof of the special bond that you share.
However, if your partner actively ignores you and neglects your calls and messages until he needs something from you, then he’s using you. This can cause serious emotional damage and even make you question your worth. You need to make a prompt decision and let go.
• He always threatens to leave you
Does he threaten to leave the relationship whenever you have a misunderstanding? Narcissistic men tend to use that to manipulate women and feel better about themselves. If you find yourself constantly feeling that you are not good enough, then you may have to reconsider your priorities and make a decision on whether you want to be with such a person or not.
Saying goodbye and letting go can be difficult, but it is time to brace up and face the reality. A partner –male or female who uses you can negatively impact your health in every way.
So, be strong and make the decision you need to make. Always remember that you deserve someone who loves you for who you are.
- He is unfaithful: A clear indicator that he is using you is when he is unfaithful to you. He makes countless promises, but never fulfills those promises.
On several occasions he has made lots of promises like; not cheating on you again, never ignoring your calls, or forgetting your special day, but he keeps breaking these promises.
This is because your relationship with him means nothing to him, and is undeserving of his faithfulness.
- You are the only one trying to make the relationship work: a guy is using you in a relationship when you are the only one that is always trying to bridge the communication gap in the relationship.
If you’re the one that is constantly reaching out to him through calls, chats, or text messages, without these gestures being reciprocated by him, then it is certain he is using you.
- He is Secretive: When a guy keeps lots of his personal information from you, like his age, his occupation, his family, past love life, goals and aspirations, or even his phone password, then he does not have your interest at heart.
Your relationship with him might be a pastime.
He is using you when he knows every detail about you (including your financial status), but you know little or nothing about him.
- He has no regard for your feelings : A healthy relationship thrives on mutual respect. However, a guy who is using you will verbally abuse you at the slightest provocation, develop itching ears to your needs and desires, and won’t hesitate to remind you of your mistakes and failures.
He hits you whenever he loses his cool and sees you as a nuisance that he has to put up with to get what he wants, which might be sex, money, or ego.
- He is not bothered about your happiness.
A guy who is using you cares less about your happiness.
The relationship is centered on him. Yeah, the relationship is all about his views, opinions, and desires without ever considering your opinion or your happiness.
The only time he considers your happiness is when he wants a favor from you.
Related Post: Why Does He Ignore Me
On the other hand, a guy likes you when;
1. He respects you for who you are:
A man who likes you will respect your person. He respects your strengths and will accommodate your weaknesses.
Your views, opinions, achievements, or aspirations don’t scare him, rather he esteems them greatly.
2. He is not afraid to Make commitments:
Relationships are all about mutual commitments from the partners involved.
A man who likes you is not afraid to admit that he likes you, he is not afraid to admit his likeness for you before his family or friends.
He doesn’t just say that he likes you, but he shows that through his thoughtful texts, calls, and sincere desire to always be with you.
3. Your happiness becomes his priority.
He is also committed to your happiness and peace of mind.
He makes decisions and takes actions that will ensure your happiness.
When a guy likes you, he will find delight in making you happy and will eschew whatever will bring you pain.
4. He Shares his world with you:
Men show likeness for a woman they admire by letting her into their world.
His world entails his goals, hobbies, past mistakes and failures, strengths, weaknesses, achievements, etc
A guy likes you when he is ever willing to share all the happenings in his life with you.
5. Supporting you becomes his delight:
You will know that a guy likes you when he goes out of his way to support your dreams and ambitions.
He is also proud of you and all of your achievements, always ready to hold your hands and weather every storm that comes your way.
6. He’s always ready to apologize for his mistakes:
We all make mistakes, it is part of being human.
However, some people hardly admit their mistakes, but when a guy likes you he doesn’t hesitate to admit his mistakes and make apologies to you for every consequence of his mistakes.
Related Post: Signs He’s Crushing On You Sincerely
Signs Of Emotional Attraction From A Man
When it comes to romantic relationships, men and women behave differently. Generally, women are seen as expressive and emotional but, it is not the same with most men. So, what are the signs of emotional attraction from a man and how do you know when a guy is emotionally attracted to you?
As you already know and from what we’ve discussed, the way you look might be what first gets his attention- physical attraction. The good thing is that physical attraction is not the ultimate determinant of a man’s love and lifelong commitment to you.
For a man to truly fall in love and want to be with you forever, he has to have an emotional connection with you that goes way beyond how you look.
Some men may be direct, while some could be more subtle and wait for you to detect and take the cues. Whatever approach he decides to use, below are some signs to help you detect when a man is emotionally attracted to you.
• He Opens Up
As I earlier stated, a lot of men have been groomed with the idea that showing emotions or expressing how they feel is ‘unmanly’ and decreases their masculinity. This has resulted in men putting up a wall around their hearts and mind. Sometimes, it may be as a result of a terrible relationship he previously had or other issues.
However, if a man begins to see you as someone he finds easy to confide in, it’s a huge sign that he’s beginning to develop an emotional attraction to you or even be in love with you. Typically, you will have to go first. When you drop your defenses and begin to open up to him, that’s usually when he begins to feel safe.
He will start to communicate his thoughts and feelings to you without doubt or fear of criticism because he knows that he is in a safe space.
• He Contacts You frequently
If a man becomes emotionally attracted to you, get ready to receive a ton of communication- calls, texts, and messages more than just once a day and at random times throughout the day. This is because men naturally place focus on the things they care about the most. No matter how tight his schedule is, he’ll take time out and make contact with you.
• He introduces you to his family and friends
If a guy introduces you to his family and allows you into his friend circle, it is a major hint that he wants to have you around and sees you as a ‘long-term material’. If a guy feels that things might end up messy, he won’t risk introducing you to his family and friends.
• He goes above and beyond for you despite any inconvenience
The keyword here is ‘despite any inconvenience’. When a man becomes emotionally attracted and attached to you, he’ll do almost anything for you.
Most men love playing the hero and when the emotions are in place, they happily do it. It could be anything, picking up your favorite meal, fixing your broken faucet, carrying your shopping bags, or changing the oil in your car.
Also, he won’t get tired of wanting to please you; in fact, he anticipates the next time he can help you and he’s always there for you, day or night.
• He notices and remembers the little things about you
When a man notices and remembers the little things, you’ve got a winner right there. It may be about your personality, character, or how you feel and act under certain circumstances. The little things that he notices are kind of subtle but are endearing him to you.
Also, like women, men can be overly caring and charming when they develop a deep interest in someone. They will make every effort to ensure that they remember every important thing you tell them- your birthday, favorite flower, favorite music, or even the dress you wore on your first date.
• He enjoys spending time with you and looks forward to seeing you
When a man decides to spend his free time with you instead of relaxing and hanging out with his friends and family, you can be pretty sure that he has become emotionally attracted to you. He not just spends time with you but enjoys every time spent and makes sure you know that. You are now his priority when it comes to friendships and relationships.
Also, he looks forward to every date and makes plans well in advance putting into consideration your schedule.
• He asks you for advice and values your opinions
It’s a well-known fact that men find it difficult to ask for directions. The same goes for seeking the opinions of others. Many men think that asking for advice is a sign of weakness.
So, when he asks for your advice or opinion on any matter especially matters that are of importance to him, not only does he have complete confidence in your answer, but he also sees you as someone he can approach for anything.
It could be what he should wear to his job interview or what color he should paint his house. Whatever it is, your opinion is important to him and creates a means for him to include you in his life.
Emotional attraction means different things to different people and works best when mutual respect and understanding are present. I sincerely hope that these signs may help you realize where you stand in your relationship and help you make better-informed choices.
Related Post: Can Love Making Make A Man Love You?
What Triggers Emotional Attraction In A Man
Believe it or not, men want exactly what women want: someone they can be happy sharing the rest of their lives with. You might have been seeing a guy for some time and it seems he’s only interested in sex and wants nothing more to do with you.
Well, one thing you should know is that, unlike women, men don’t see an emotional connection or attraction as something logical and necessary. So, what triggers emotional attraction in a man?
The good news is that several things can trigger emotional attraction in a man but for that to happen, he needs to have some sense of security with you. Below are some emotional triggers a man is highly unlikely to escape from;
If you desire an emotional connection with a man, accept him for the man he is and not the man you wish he were. Whatever you do, do not try to change him.
Men do not want to feel like they’re a project you are working on or a problem you need to fix. If you attempt to change a man, he will put up very high emotional barriers that you will find difficult to get through to him.
Men love the feeling of comfort and authenticity they enjoy when they’re with their friends and when you constantly and genuinely encourage them to be themselves, they find it easy to approach you and ultimately fall in love with you.
If you want to have a lasting relationship with any individual, be it sexual or not, you need to understand and connect with that person on a much deeper level. True love requires honesty, trust, and genuineness.
Believe it or not, men are attracted to ‘real women’- women who do not pretend to be someone else or put up a show but women who are open, confident, know exactly what they want, and are not afraid to show their vulnerability.
The fact is that this is difficult to do and takes a lot of courage, but if you truly want to have a deep emotional connection, then you have to be open, real, and not hide your true self. Talk about your goals and insecurities.
When you open up to a man and share your feelings with him, it makes him see you as a ‘safe space’ where he can easily be himself and not be judged for it. Once this happens, trust, confidence, reliability, and a deep sense of stability are forged and the path to falling in love begins.
Men love women who are goal-getters in what they do, whether it is in their career, fitness goals, a personal or social project, or just about anything that reflects their definition of succeeding in life. This is because he feels that you share similar interests and can be a source of inspiration to him.
In addition, society and tradition have discouraged men from showing emotions and have placed them under intense social pressure to be successful and financially stable. Therefore, having someone who truly understands and supports their dreams and goals is very important.
• Undivided attention
There is in every one of us, the innate desire to be heard. We want the freedom of being able to express ourselves without prejudice and criticism. We want to talk to people who are genuinely interested in what we have to say.
If you want to establish an emotional connection with a man, be a good listener. In relationships, we generally think that men do the listening and women do the talking but, the truth is that men also want to be heard. They want a woman who can listen to them genuinely. Your body language speaks volumes so, face him, make eye contact, nod when you need to, and have an overall open body language.
When a man finds you supportive and knows that you can listen to him without judging, respect his opinions and accept him just the way he is, he’ll feel comfortable opening up to you, even during difficult periods. This will foster intimacy and emotional attraction in your relationship.
Men thrive off appreciation, and if they feel appreciated, they would become attracted to you.
Don’t only tell him how much you appreciate him, show him. Actions speak loud. Men rarely find themselves on the receiving end of affection, tenderness, and gentleness, but believe me, those are some of the things men want in their romantic relationships.
No matter how ‘small’ it may seem, do it. It may be a simple thank you text message, a more detailed text, remembering and surprising him on important dates, or even an appreciation card. A little goes a long way.
An anonymous writer wrote “Men, too, deserve to be spoiled, told they are handsome, told their efforts are appreciated, and should also be made to feel secure. If he treats you like a Queen, treat him like a King.”