I’ve gotten so many e-mails and comments from several blog posts that are prompting me to write on these 3 harsh facts long distance relationships couples or partners should always bear in mind.
So, whether you’re being skeptical about going into a prospective long-distance relationship, or you’re already in one, this post will deal with the blunt truth about long-distance relationships that every partner who are far away from each other should bear in mind.
Researches found that around 75% of all engaged couples have once been in a long-distance relationship. 10% of couples continue to maintain a long-distance relationship after marriage. In the US alone, about 4 million married couples are in a long-distance relationships.
And yes, we won’t leave you at just telling you the ‘harsh’ part of the story; we will go some steps further to show you how you can enjoy your long-distance relationship and make it work.
No, this is not to get you skeptical about your long-distance relationship. It is not to make you feel like you have to quit and type the breakup text for your partner. Rather, this will intimate you about some realities concerning long-distance relationships; and how you can make it work for your good.
3 Harsh Facts About Long Distance Relationships
This is 21st century; therefore, people get into long-distance relationships for different reasons. Several intending couples met on online dating platforms or social media and may begin to catch feelings for each other. And of course, catching feelings cannot be hindered by distance, as social media can make two people relate so well as though they live in the same community.
Sometimes, you might actually meet in the same community, but somehow, one of you might have to travel far away to study or for career sake.
However it happens, a reasonable amount of relationships are long-distance relationships.
Now, even relationships where partners get to see each other daily, do have issues, talkless of partners that are far away from each other. Although, some long-distance relationships can be more intimate than couples who co-habit.
Nonetheless, these 3 harsh facts about long distance relationship will get you prepared and help you to get intentional about building a loving and romantic relationship.
So, what are these 3 harsh facts long distance relationships partners should not forget?
Harsh fact #1:
Possibilities For Lack Of Trust
In a study of jealousy experience, and expression, in long-distance relationships (LDRs), 114 individuals who were in LDRs indicated how much face-to-face contact they had in a typical week.
Thirty-three percent of participants reported no face-to-face contact, whereas 67% reported periodic face-to-face contact with a mean of one to two days.
In cases where the distance is wider and impossible to see weekly, some couples don’t see until after several months. In some cases, it may even take as much as years for couples to have face-to-face contact.
The researchers compared LDRs to GCRs (geographically close relationships) and discovered that those in LDRs with no face-to-face contact experience more jealousy than those with periodic face-to-face contact or those in GCRs.
They found that the presence of periodic face-to-face contact is a crucial factor in the satisfaction, commitment, and trust of LDR partners. Those who do not experience periodic face-to-face contact reported significantly lower levels of satisfaction, commitment, and trust
I think it is easier to agree with this report because the possibility of suspecting your partner of infidelity increases as face-to-face contact reduces.
Harsh fact #2:
Physical Intimacy Is Reduced
Physical intimacy is about touch and closeness between bodies. In a romantic relationship, it might include holding hands, cuddling, kissing, and having sex.
The absence of physical intimacy in any relationship can negatively affect the relationship.
According to Prause N, Siegle GJ, Coan J (2021) Partners intimate touch is associated with increased interpersonal closeness. They said:
“In romantic relationships, more frequent sexual intercourse has been associated with a variety of nominally positive variables that could be proxies for relationship closeness such as higher marital satisfaction, sexual satisfaction, body image, emotional satisfaction, life satisfaction, and relationship stability”.
Furthermore, those without periodic face-to-face contact were more likely to use the internet to communicate with their partner. Such as Facebook or Whatsapp chats and video calls.
Harsh fact #3:
Possibilities Of Heart-Break
This is often a resultant effect of the reality of the two aforementioned facts about long-distance relationships.
Both lack of trust and lack of intimacy often, if not always, lead to a breakup.
According to Wikipedia, About 40% of couples in long-distance relationships break up; around 4.5 months into the relationship is the time when couples most commonly start having problems.
Even though a long-distance relationship might begin with so much romance and affection, 70% of couples in a long-distance relationship break up due to unplanned circumstances and events. Sometimes, this breakup happens as a result of misunderstandings.
Now, before you say a long-distance relationship is not for you, don’t forget that you have a 30% chance of making it work for you if you’ll work at making it work.
So, let’s hold your hands as we give you proven suggestions, to turn these 3 facts long distance relationships partners experience, to your advantage.
Can A Long Distance Relationship Work?
There is always a way to have the kind of romantic relationship you’ve always dreamt of, in spite of these 3 harsh facts of long distance relationship.
Can a long-distance relationship work? This is a question that keeps popping up whenever relationship is discussed. Even though a number of people think the answer is capital No. We cannot deny the fact that there are several beautiful and romantic distance relationships around us. So, the question should be how can a distance relationship work?
Basically, a distance relationship works on trust and love. Yeah. Trust and love. There cannot be one without the other. They are both interrelated and necessary for any relationship to thrive. Therefore, if love can be nurtured, and trust maintained, irrespective of distance, any relationship will work so fine.
The word “Love” is said to be a feeling of affection and concern towards another person. While “Trust” is said to have confidence in something or someone. When both partners are affectionate towards one another and are confident of the other person’s love, such a relationship becomes solidly solidified.
So, you’ll agree with me that love and trust are part of the most essential keys to successful relationships whether you’re on the same roof with your partner or a thousand mile away.
This goes to say that long-distance relationships can work. Although, just like a close relationship, it must be nurtured intentionally and continuously.
Quickly, let’s see the basic things that make a relationship work, long-distance or not.
This is unarguably the most crucial key to any successful and lasting relationship. Good communication between partners fosters understanding, love, and trust.
Therefore, each partner should be intentional about improving communication in the relationship.
In our world today, we have access to various platforms to reach out to each other through calls, texts, chats, and video calls. Having all these available does not guarantee healthy communication between partners in a long-distance relationship. Partners must deliberately devote quality time to quality communication.
All that is needed is the sacrifice to make your relationship work and stand out.
Long-distance relationships work the same way as near-by relationships only if two people are willing and ready to pay the price.
Regular and healthy communication in relationships creates an unbreakable bond and strengthens the emotional connection you share. More so, it helps to build intimacy and gives you a feeling of assurance that everything is under control.
Related Post: Improving Communication With Your Partner
Oh yes, you read that right; transparency. Especially In a long-distance relationship where partners do not see each other often, there’s always a need for transparency. You have to let your partner know everything that’s going on with you.
Although a nearby relationship can suffer a lack of trust as much as a long-distance relationship, nevertheless, partners in a long-distance relationship need to pay closer attention to saying things as they are and having no skeleton in the cupboard.
Be open, make your expectations and needs clear, strive for intimacy, trust, and be trustworthy.
It’s also important to keep your promises and commitments. Use this as an essential part to make your relationship work.
3. Create Quality Time To Be Together
If your partner is in the same geographical location as you, the same country but a different city, having a great time together with your partner is a habit that needs to be embedded.
Schedule a day or two in a month; depending on the distance between you, it may even be planning a visit in three months as an avenue to connect physically with your lover and spend some quality time together.
No matter how busy you may be, always find time for each other. When this happens, you will both appreciate each other more, treasure the moment, love on one another and get the passion of love you share renewed.
Although, in a situation where the mile between you stretches over continents, meeting often physically may not be as realistic. Therefore, you have to maximize social media to your advantage; and always sending love and trust messages for distance relationships.
4. Be There for Your Partner
Always be available, not necessarily physically but be there even when you can’t be there. This is by showing concern and willingness to help out if anything happens.
Distance only separates our bodies but not our hearts. A long-distance relationship can work out perfectly if you’re willing to pay the price.
How to Express Love in A Long Distance Relationship
One question that needs to be attended to is, how to express love in a long-distance relationship since your partner is not physically present with you.
Even when you and your partner seem to be highly encouraged, it takes willful effort and deliberate commitment to make a long-distance relationship work.
To maintain a loving and fulfilling relationship from afar, you’ll possibly need to be a bit more romantic and creative about expressing love to your partner. Here are sweet things to do in a long distance relationship, and some points on how to express love in long-distance relationships that you might find interesting.
1. Express His / Her Love Language
Everyone has different ways of giving and receiving love, when you speak your partner’s love language it makes him/her feel good, loved, important, and secure.
Love language is one of the keys to sustaining any relationship either far or near. Knowing your partner’s love language allows you to communicate more effectively and understand each other better.
You’re on the advantage side if your lover’s love language is the word of affirmation. This you must do intentionally and often to help boost the feelings of love.
If your partner’s love language is gift; make it a duty to regularly send him/her gifts, with some sweet romantic words inscribed on them.
A partner who loves sharing quality time should be fed with sharing a great time on regular voice/video calls.
Whatever the love language may be, there are always ways to go about it, even for a long-distance relationship.
2. Start A Romantic Challenge
Starting a romantic challenge is about having specific activities you do with your partner every day, like video calls, watching the same movies and discussing them, singing (if you both love songs), reading books together, taking a live online workout class at the same time.
Always maintain common interests even when you’re not together.
Communicate and spend quality time with each other, this is part of expressing love in a distant relationship. Carry your partner with you every day until you can once again see and touch him/her face.
3. Send Romantic Good Morning And Good Night Text Messages
It feels good and great when your partner wakes up with a good morning message and sleeps with a good night message from you. It shows you’re thinking about him/her before and after bedtime.
Sometimes, it’s great to send a joke or funny pictures and let your partner feel the love from within. There is an emotional bond formed when seeing those romantic messages and pictures to keep the connection alive.
Related Post: Romantic Good night Quotes
4. Send A Gift
Yeah. I think it’s great to mention this again. Everyone loves to receive gift; especially when it’s coming from a soul mate.
We’re now in a world where we can send a gift or package to your partner anywhere and at any time by booking online. Surprise him/her with an unexpected package not only on his/her birthday, promotion, or your anniversary. Make it a habit to surprise your partner once in a while with loving gifts.
Mind you, the value of a gift is not in its price; rather in the value, we place on the sender. However, small your gift may be; your partner will so cherish it.
5. Discuss How Your Day Went
Communicate how stressful and awesome your day was with your partner. Let him/her know by sending pictures and calling in-between activities when the time permits.
Don’t keep anything from your partner and express how much you miss him/ her always.
Discuss everything, talk about challenges at work, the traffic, the good and the bad part. This simple act can build trust and love in a long-distance relationship.
How to Deal with Trust Issues and Insecurities
As earlier mentioned, one of the 3 harsh facts long distance relationships partners must bear in mind is the possibility for lack of trust.
In case you or your partner is beginning to feel insecure about the other person, or doubting your faithfulness to the relationship; we want to acquaint you with a few ways to deal with trust and insecurities, whether in a long-distance relationship or even if you’re sleeping under the same roof.
First, it is important to mention that those who have trust issues and insecurities have often had negative experiences in the past with individuals or groups of people they initially deemed trustworthy but betrayed them. This can sabotage any relationships both near or far distance and robs you of your peace and prevents you from being able to engage with your partner in a relaxed and genuine way.
In the absence of trust, fear rules.
So, how to deal with trust issues and insecurities in a distant relationship is an issue that needs to be treated with urgency to be at peace with yourself and your partner. Trust and love can take years to develop, but these can be destroyed in an instant.
You must be able to trust and feel secure with your partner.
1. Recognized the issues. Before any problem can be resolved, you must first recognize that there is an issue to be resolved. Admitting that you have trust issues and feelings of insecurities will help you to heal faster.
2. Talk it out with your partner, and when you think it’s more than what you and your partner can handle, seek a specialist.
3. Dare to believe and trust your partner.
Many people tend to think that trust issues and insecurity comes from what their partner said or did, but the reality is, it comes from inside of you. It is the feeling that develops after being hurt or rejected by someone you care about.
In any relationship, trust is one of the keys to building a lasting relationship. The ability to effectively trust and believe your partner helps you live happily and be secure.
4. Let it start with you. Yeah. Spend time with your partner, gist about everything, and be honest.
5. Develop healthy self-esteem. See yourself as important, with or without your partner you can survive. Don’t let your whole life revolve around him/her. Set a healthy boundary and let it guide you. Make decisions in your best interest regardless of the reaction from other people.
Finally, dealing with trust issues and insecurities in a distant relationship requires being less defensive in communicating with your partner, accepting and appreciating the differences between you both, being honest, and being straightforward when asked questions for clarification.
Related Post: Developing A Healthy Self-Esteem in Relationships